Serendipity
by Coley Merrin
Summary: Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected... Complete! 1xR
1. Serendipity

Serendipity

Rating PG (for the forseeable future)

1/?

  
  
  
  
  
  


Infiltration was sometimes necessary, usually by means that were somewhat unconventional. Offering up oneself, either by straight out surrender or fighting and letting oneself be overpowered, was dangerous in every known situation. He could have easily been killed, Heero reflected. The situation had been thoroughly researched, the atmosphere and mental stability of those in charge and their underlings studied. It was due to no mean luck that their predictions had been correct, and Heero had merely been taken in and imprisoned for questioning, not immediately killed. The one thing they hadn't expected, that no one could have expected, was that the cell he had been taken to had not been empty. 

  
  


His eyes swept the interior of the room immediately as he entered. Ceiling to floor, checking for possible routes of escape. He expected none, seeing as one didn't build prisons to help prisoners escape. It was of little concern to him in that moment, because he had successfully completed step one, everything else would have to come into play at a later time. His eyes halted as they fixed on the back corner. A thin figured sat crouched there, back towards him. The small form was dressed in a thin t-shirt and shorts, with dull, ragged black hair the face. A child. 

  
  


He didn't speak, seeing the trembling shoulders. If the person, the child, was frightened by his presence... he or she might also think him an enemy. Or perhaps he or she was just cold. The temperature of the cell was even, but not terribly warm. The concrete was not damp but conducted little in the way of heat. It was possible the guards thought cold would bring lethargy and lessen the will to escape. They had taken his outer uniform after all, leaving him in his thinner lining pants and undershirt. He took another look at the small figure, oddly drawn to the child, shaking his head. He settled back and allowed his mind to slip into a watchful sleep. 

  
  


Twenty minutes later he was woke by a quiet sound. His eyes snapped open to meet a pair of wide, and frightened green eyes. They were set in a pale cream face framed by the jaggedly cut black hair. The arms and legs exposed by the clothing were thin, but he was relieved to see not weak. His jaw clenched as anger coursed through him. They had been keeping a child in here, this small child, a girl... a girl of no more than 6 or 7. 

  
  


"I'm not going to hurt you," he said quietly, half expecting her to jump and flee at the sound of his voice. Instead she stood straighter, the fear in her eyes turning into a form of quiet defiance.

  
  


"Why should I be afraid of you?" she asked with only a slight tremble in her voice. "You got caught, you can't be so tough."

  
  


She had guts, he had to give her that. He had to find a way to approach her, some way to make her trust him. 

  
  


"I was caught, that's true," he started out tentatively. "My name is Heero, what's yours?"

  
  


"Lauren," she nearly whispered. "My middle name is Mya, 'cause of my eyes. It means emerald. My mommy used to tell me that... before she had to go away."

  
  


Heero swallowed convulsively. "Did they bring you here when she went away?"

  
  


Lauren nodded, her hair bouncing with the movement. They sat across from each other, taking survey of the other in silence.

  
  


"Did you come here to take me away?" she asked in a hopeful voice.

  
  


"We didn't know you were here," Heero said truthfully. "But I'll help you as best I can."

  
  


"I'd like that. My mommy's never coming back, y'know. It's always cold here, and they forget to feed me some times. I'm kind of like the puppy no one wants. It'll be ok if you take care of me, right? Can I call you Heero?"

  
  


"Sure. You can call me Heero."

  
  


She worried her lips, still quietly looking at the man in front of her. He didn't look too scary, and though his eyes were cold they were not cruel. He had pretty eyes, she decided. And his hair had to be just as messy as hers. 

  
  


"What do you do?" she asked finally. "How did you get here?"

  
  


"I'm a pilot," Heero said after a second, staying still. "I work for the people trying to stop the people who are holding you here."

  
  


"You fly?" Her eyes grew so wide and luminous he thought the admiration in them would about blind him. "I used to see planes before..."

  
  


Cautiously Heero reached into his pocket and pulled out a small golden pin in the shape of two wings.

  
  


"This signifies that I'm one of the elite pilots," he told her, letting her take the pin.

  
  


"You're eeleet," she said copying his word. "That must mean you're special. And you got caught."

  
  


"I meant to," he corrected.

  
  


"Of course you did," she said, stroking the soft gold, "everyone does. Some just have a better reason than others."

  
  


He blinked. This child was unlike any other that he had encountered. That number was... slim, but... she intrigued him. That slight pull he felt when he had first saw her crouched in the corner was still there, and stronger. Admiration made it stronger, she was strong; she had spunk. But under it all she was still just a little girl who was alone, and frightened. 

  
  


"If you want... you can sleep with me. Maybe we can keep each other warm," he offered. 

  
  


She smiled, the first real smile he had seen cross her face, a bright affair of white baby teeth replaced here and there by newer, stronger teeth, and one that looked just a tad loose. Then she looked so young, the same little girl, and less the strong woman she was trying to become too early. Still clutching his gold wings she climbed up and allowed herself to be cradled against his chest. It took several minutes for her trembling to stop, and several more before she relaxed enough to sleep.

  
  


***

  
  


Breakfast was brought in that morning quickly and efficiently. They left no chance of a prisoner getting near the deliverer. Lauren stirred against him a few seconds after the tray had clanked to a halt. 

  
  


"Food," she cooed into his shirt, her little arms snaking out to stretch. Scrambling up she grabbed his hand and waited patiently until he was able to get up and follow her. He nearly groaned, his backside felt like it had been nearly flattened as he hobbled with her. She poked at the bowls of thin oatmeal. 

  
  


"They even put milk in it today," she mumbled around a bite of bread. 

  
  


He began to reach down for a piece, when a scrap of paper poking out from under the edge of the bowl caught his attention. Lauren was there instantly as the paper opened. 

  
  


"A fairy princess!" she squealed.

  
  


Maybe not a fairy, he admitted, but it was a princess. It was a picture of Relena, dressed in white at an official function. The lighting had hit her in such a way that she did seem to glow, causing Lauren's reaction to her. The blurb underneath of it spoke of the continuing search for the missing downed pilot in the area of instability. Were they taunting him with it? 

  
  


"Who is she?" Lauren asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

  
  


"Her name is Relena. She's a very important person."

  
  


"To you? Or to everyone?"

  
  


The kid was too sharp.

  
  


"To everyone," he said carefully.

  
  
  
  


"So she's important to you, too, since you're part of everyone," she said hopefully. 

  
  


"OK," he conceded with a nod. "She helped bring peace to everyone. That's why she's so important."

  
  


"You helped bring peace, too?"

  
  


"My... friends and I did as much as we could," he said.

  
  


"Did you almost die?"

  
  


He looked at her face, hearing the small note of apprehension in her voice. She was not seeking a thrill from death and war, but... she must have apparently associated it with her mother's leaving, or death. 

  
  


"We had some close calls."

  
  


Moving like a frightened rabbit she moved to perch lightly on his knee and take his hand. 

  
  


"I'm glad you didn't die," she said earnestly. 

  
  


He felt the answering pang in his chest. What was this child doing to him?

  
  


"Me too," he said with some surprise, squeezing the little girl's hand. 

  
  


Content with that she cuddled back against him.

  
  


"I'm bored, can I sing?"

  
  


"OK."

  
  


In a lilting, slightly off-key voice she began a rousing rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Not for any memories of Christmas itself, but of the heart.

  
  


***

  
  


Another day went by, and half another night before the Preventers made their way in. The temperature in the cell had dropped somewhat, causing goose bumps to raise on even his stronger skin. He wished he had another two arms to help keep Lauren warm, even now her knees were tucked to her chest trying to conserve warmth. The temperature continued to drop until he could see his breath in the early morning light, and the child began to shiver. 

  
  


"Yo, Heero, you alive in there?" came a voice from the doorway. 

  
  


"Duo!" 

  
  


The word came on a burst of relief. Duo laughed as he inserted the keys. 

  
  


"I've never heard you so glad to see me."

  
  


The man halted abruptly just inside the door to see Heero hunched over, protecting the little girl in his arms. 

  
  


"Geez, man, it's freezing in here. Who's the kid?"

  
  


"An orphan from here, apparently. They'd been keeping her here, but apparently they decided to try and kill us off. What took you so long?"

  
  


Duo stripped off his coat and handed it to Heero to wrap around Lauren. She snuggled into the warmth without waking up.

  
  


"We got the information you sent us from the plane. It was just a matter of getting here. And none too soon. Do you want me to take..."

  
  


Seeing the look of near desperation in Heero's eyes Duo stopped. He held the girl possessively, carefully, like crumbling sugar. Duo's eyes widened. In the short time he had been here Heero Yuy had fallen... for a little girl. 

  
  


"Let's get you two out of here," Duo settled on, leading the way. "Relena came with, so she's anxious to see how you are."

  
  


"What's she doing coming on a dangerous mission?" Heero barked.

  
  


"She was safe, my friend, don't worry," Duo said, attempting futilely to keep the humor out of his voice. "She was just concerned."

  
  


"I can take care of myself."

  
  


"I think she knows that, Heero. I said concern, not doubt."

  
  


Holding Lauren a little tighter, he allowed himself a small smile as he followed Duo. Concern was all right... he guessed. 

  
  


Lauren woke as they passed the last line of soldiers. She knew Duo immediately from the descriptions of the other pilots that she had coerced out of Heero. Duo solemnly shook hands with the little girl, charmed by her big eyes, and precocious smile. He could feel for her situation, an orphan in unfamiliar grounds. Seeing the way she clung to Heero made him smile. It seemed like both she and Heero had found a rock in the storm. 

  
  
  
  


Heero spotted Relena immediately, wrapped snugly in a bulky sweater and jeans she looked rather serene in the midst of the chaos. He supposed that was to be her lot in life. Her eyes searched his as they got closer, before turning with compassion to Lauren. 

  
  


Lauren looked up from where she was playing with Heero's hair to see Relena standing there, and she gasped in delight. 

  
  


"It's Relena," she said in a furtive whisper, kicking his knee accidentally to emphasize her point.

  
  


They hopped a bit sideways as she knocked him almost off balance. 

  
  


"Heero...?" Relena queried.

  
  


"This is Lauren," he said straightening both himself and the girl. "Lauren, this is Relena."

  
  


Relena smiled. 

  
  


"Hello, Lauren."

  
  


Taking them both by surprise, she all but squirted from Heero's arms to hug Relena, causing Heero to nearly fall on them both to keep Lauren from plummeting in mid-leap because of the grip she had on his shirt. Relena squeaked softly as she found she suddenly had a child wound around her, and Heero with his arm behind her back to keep them up. 

  
  


"Lauren," he said softly, his eyes level with Relena's neck. "Let go."

  
  


If she didn't let go soon, he thought frantically, his face was going to sink right into Relena's warm shoulder and he was never going to want to move. 

  
  


"Do you want me to take her so she can get some warm clothes?" Relena asked.

  
  


"Mmm..." Heero began. 

  
  


Suddenly Lauren turned and as his eyes closed she kissed his cheek. 

  
  


"I'll go with Relena, ok? I'll come back."

  
  


He opened his eyes as she let him go, his eyes locking with Relena's. They froze, only inches away from each other, caught in some spell wove by the other. She looked away finally, patting his cheek softly.

  
  


"We'll be back soon."

  
  
  
  


He could do little but withdraw his arm, and wave meekly as Lauren enthusiastically waved over Relena's shoulder. 

  
  


"Good thing she's not any heavier," Duo said over his shoulder. "You three would have made an interesting heap."

  
  


Heero scowled. "Relena could have gotten hurt if that had happened."

  
  


"I know. The kid's just looking for some security. You and Relena seem to be it. Did you tell her about Relena?"

  
  


"They gave us a newspaper clipping. She seemed to take immediately to her."

  
  


"Relena likes kids," Duo said almost off handedly. "I suppose that's a good thing, too." 

  
  


"Wh..." Heero stopped, knowing he was about to play into Duo's little scheme. "Let's find some clothes."

  
  


"Your wish is my command. So... what are you going to do with two women now?"

  
  


"I don't *have*..." he began in a Heero version of exasperation.

  
  


Duo, king of bickering, had struck again.

  
  


***

  
  


"I'm so glad I got to meet you," Lauren said from her place against Relena's shoulder. 

  
  


"Why do you trust me?" Relena queried.

  
  


"Because Heero does."

  
  


"He told you that?" Relena asked in surprise.

  
  


"No," Lauren scoffed. "Heero doesn't say stuff like that. He didn't mind Duo being called his friend, but he about keeled over when I asked if you were special... so I know you are."

  
  


"You got to know Heero pretty well, didn't you?"

  
  


"Yup. He's an eeleet pilot. He really did mean to get caught, didn't he?"

  
  


"Yes. He's the best."

  
  


"So why not send in someone easier to lose?"

  
  


"Because we knew he'd be able to get us the information and stay alive. We've all come to depend on him."

  
  


"I can tell why. He smells good, like a daddy should. Do you think he smells good?"

  
  


"Ah... yeah. He does."

  
  


"Good. I hoped you thought so."

  
  


"Why?"

  
  


"'Cause I like you, and I want you to like him too."

  
  


"No need to fear there, " Relena reassured.

  
  


In the house they had been brought to Relena drew a warm bath for the little girl, directing the hunt for clothing and a few belongings as Lauren laughed and played in the water. 

  
  


In the surrounding village the men had found warm clothing, a coat and in a sweet act, even a teddy bear.

  
  


Clutching the bear in one hand and Relena's hand in the other, they were off to meet Heero. Heero stood with Duo as they entered. The Preventer uniform he wore was slightly too large, obviously borrowed. Still Lauren was enthralled at the sight of Heero in uniform.

  
  


"He looks handsome," Lauren announced to Relena. 

  
  


Duo grinned at Lauren and then Relena who casually ignored him and his implications. 

  
  


She looks better, Heero thought. She looked more like a child now, in colorful pants. The dull black hair now shone, swinging merrily around her chin. 

  
  


"A social worker was called," Relena said quietly as Lauren left her side to take Heero's hand. "I'm not sure who called them, but they should be here any minute."

  
  


Heero's eyes closed briefly, and it was only through careful watching, and knowledge of him, that Duo and Relena saw the look of pain that crossed his face. His jaw tensed.

  
  


"All right."

  
  


"What's going on?" Lauren asked.

  
  


"They're coming to take you to a better place," he said carefully.

  
  


"I want to stay with you!" Lauren exclaimed. "Heero, I want to stay, please?"

  
  


An unknown officer came to them.

  
  


"Sir, social services has arrived."

  
  


Heero's stomach clenched. How had they arrived already? There hadn't been enough time. He couldn't even begin to explain what was happening to Lauren, she was crying already, pleading with Relena to make her speak with him. Only quick eyes let him see Relena dash away a tear that was threatening to fall. She was soothing the child, that he knew. But in all honesty what could he do? Ask them to let him keep her? What did a soldier know about raising a little girl? What reason would they have to let her stay? He had nothing to offer, nothing to give.

  
  


A pleasant looking blonde entered, allowed in my the still nameless officer. 

  
  


"Colonel Yuy?"

  
  


He stood, "Yes."

  
  


"My name is Ms. Lansen. I'm here for the child." She turned to look at Lauren, now silent and staring with wet horrified eyes. "Is this her?"

  
  


"Lauren," he corrected.

  
  


"Lauren," she said, smiling. "How would you like to come with me to a place where you can play with other children?"

  
  


"No!" Lauren shouted, clutching Relena's leg. "I'm not going to any orphanage. I'm not 'n orphan. I have Heero."

  
  


Ms. Lansen turned a quizzical gaze on Heero. He looked away quickly, Relena watching helplessly as he fought an internal struggle. She could say nothing, do nothing. A part of her urged to say she would care for the child... but she knew it was not her place. Lauren abruptly let go and ran to Heero, tugging at his shirt.

  
  


"Please, don't make me. Please, I'll be good! I'll be quiet, I won't ask questions. Can I stay with you Heero, please?"

  
  


Relena's eyes closed, her hand flying to cover her mouth as Heero took Laurens hand and placed in it in the hand of the social worker. 

  
  


"You'll be better off where you're going," he said softly.

  
  


"But I'll be happy with you," Lauren whimpered.

  
  


"I'm sorry."

  
  


The child hung her head, scrubbing at her tears with her free hand. When she looked up her bottom lip had slid into a pout, only making her look more miserable. "Me, too."

  
  


"I'll be in touch, Colonel Yuy," the social worker promised.

  
  


"Thanks," he grunted.

  
  


Heero and Relena followed the two out the door and into the parking lot. He swallowed hard, took a shuddering breath, as Lauren sent one last longing look over her shoulder. One tiny hand raised and waved. In his mind he could see her hanging over Relena's shoulder, waving ecstatically, the way she smiled like he was the best fudge sundae in the world as she had gone to him when they returned.

  
  


"Heero," he heard quietly from behind him. He turned to look, his eyes shooting from the bear Relena was holding out to him, to her eyes. His heart began to thunder as he saw the quiet shine of encouragement in Relena's eyes. He could do it. He could!

  
  


"Wait!" he shouted, taking the bear and running. "Lauren..."

  
  


The girl had twisted in the woman's grasp and stood, waiting expectantly as he dropped to one knee in front of her. 

  
  


"Do you really want to stay with me?"

  
  


"Yes," Lauren whispered.

  
  


"Do you think we can make it?"

  
  


"You can do anything," she said confidently, throwing herself into his arms. 

  
  


"I have a nice home," Heero began almost offhandedly to the social worker, "there's plenty of room, and I have a good income..."

  
  


"Your job is dangerous?"

  
  


"It doesn't have to be." 

  
  


"He's safe, Ms. Lansen," Relena said from behind them. "There's no reason you should fear for Lauren when she's with Heero."

  
  


"You do know there will be a process to follow."

  
  


"Yes," Heero sighed, feeling Lauren hug him tighter. "I'll do anything that's necessary."

  
  


"This is a full time commitment, you understand?"

  
  


"I went through the wars, Ms. Lansen. There's nothing I'd like better than a full time commitment like Lauren."

  
  


This seemed to satisfy her, at last. Lauren leaned her forehead against Heero's and smiled.

  
  


"I was scared, but I knew you'd come through."

  
  


"I'm sorry. You were very brave."

  
  


"I know," Lauren grinned him, then at Relena who had come up to stand quietly behind him. "So were you."

  
  


***


	2. Settle Softly

***

  
  


Heero felt as if he had joined the circus, suddenly becoming part of the sideshow if the strange looks were any indication. Secretaries opened their mouth as he approached only to sit back, mystified by what they heard and saw. The meeting had been arranged prior to the arrival, Duo having an active role in getting the small group together. The well-oiled door opened smoothly, only a small show of how the entire Preventer organization ran... with a little help. 

  
  


There were four occupants of the room, all of which he was well acquainted with. There would have been more, but the other two agents, Wufei Chang and Sally Po were currently off the planet. Trowa Barton, always available with his valuable skills at one end of the room, sat next to the expectant looking Duo. Across from them was Quatre Winner, not a usual occupant of the building seeing as he had his own corporation to look after, but at the same time he was no stranger to it. The last person was Lady Une, the fine lines of her face drawn up into something resembling surprise, echoing the faces of both Trowa and Quatre. Duo, on the other hand, now looked smug.

  
  


"Never let it be said that Duo Maxwell can't keep his mouth shut," Duo said with a smirk. 

They were not looking at Heero, no, but at the now quiet girl who clutched his hand. 

  
  


"Good afternoon," Heero said, tugging Lauren along with him as they approached the meeting table. She had been chatty all throughout the trip and had now suddenly turned shy. "This is Trowa," he said, gesturing to each person in turn. "Quatre, and Lady Une. Everyone, this is Lauren."

  
  


"Hey, kid," Duo grinned at her. "Come give a guy a hug, would ya?" 

  
  


Lauren smiled suddenly, happy to see a familiar face among the group. That display of encouragement from Duo gave her the ability to make her own way around the room and say hello, taken by Trowa's quiet smile, and the kindness in Quatre's eyes. It was Lady Une she was most in awe of, having heard from Heero that she was the top boss. Woman and girl considered each other.

  
  


"You're the... eeleet of the eeleet," Lauren said quietly. 

  
  


Trowa raised his eyebrows at her over the child's head and Lady Une smiled, at both of them. 

  
  


"I'm sure my daughter would like to hear that one."

  
  


"You take care of each other just like Heero and me," Lauren stated. 

  
  


This brought a laugh from the too often sober commander. "It's very nice to meet you."

  
  


"Nice to meet you too!" the girl chirped as she scooted back to Heero's chair. Duo held out his hand for hers and away the two went, leaving Heero with the ability to explain their situation to those whose opinion and help he needed most. 

  
  


***

  
  


Heero was lost in thought. Duo peered at the man in curiosity but had not yet reached the point where he was prepared to drag his friend out of his head. One saved skin that way, plus it wasn't every day that one was summoned by The Yuy, and he had to assume it was to ask a favor. He casually crossed his arms over his chest in defense at that thought.

  
  


"I need to ask you something..."

  
  


The look on Duo's faced did not spell disbelief, Heero acknowledged. The reaction to his request would be, for lack of a stronger word, interesting. Lauren had come to him with little more than the clothes on her back. She called a bare and empty room her home, and slept on a cot with old scratchy blankets. There was not a doubt in his mind that she would stay with him. There was no way he could let her go, not now. And she deserved so much more than what she had now, even if she wasn't there permanently.

  
  


"I need things. For Lauren. Ah..." Heero looked a bit at a loss for words, but Duo wasn't dense. He stared at Heero in disbelief. 

  
  


"Why are you asking me what you should buy for a little girl?" Duo demanded. "I don't know any more about them than you do."

  
  


"Maybe Hilde..."

  
  


"No," Duo said sternly. "Relena would give her right foot to help you, and I'm not going to have you hurting her because you're too chicken to ask."

  
  


"If she wanted to help, why didn't she offer? She's the one who gave me the determination to do this in the first place." Heero was being stubborn, that was it, not pouting at all. 

  
  


"It's not her fault you're chicken. She didn't offer because she didn't feel it was her place, and it's difficult to be where you're not wanted."

  
  


"I never told her she wasn't wanted."

  
  


"You didn't tell her she was, either," Duo pointed out, infuriatingly. 

  
  


"Lauren took to her..."

  
  


"Ehhh. Wrong answer. If she's going to get close to you she wants it to be the right thing, not 'cause your kid thinks the world of her."

  
  


"But she liked Lauren..."

  
  


"She'd bring down a star for the kid." Duo gestured wildly, mocking Heero's non-movement. "But again... not her place, and she'd feel she's not wanted."

  
  


"How do you know all this?" Heero asked crossly.

  
  


"I listen well," Duo said matter-of-factly. "And it's so obvious I'm surprised you still have a nose."

  
  


***

  
  


Relena's eyes widened as she opened the door, not seeing at first anyone waiting there, but then noticing Lauren face to face with the kneeling Heero who was clumsily attempting to straighten the child's coat. She smiled at the care he was attempting to give just by that one act.

  
  


"Relena!" Lauren squealed happily, twisting away from Heero's efforts to make her presentable. Relena bent down to hug her, feeling the warmth of being so genuinely liked, and with such childish enthusiasm and joy. She smiled at Heero over Lauren's shoulder, acknowledging his presence, and reveling in it. He brushed at his knees to remove some microscopic dust, and stared back at her. Or rather... at them. 

  
  


"What gives me the honor of this visit?" Relena asked, set free from the tight hug. 

  
  


Lauren looked to Heero hopefully. He shook his head.

  
  


"You told me not to," he reminded her.

  
  


Lauren's mouth tweaked, showing her displeasure in Heero remembering and taking her words seriously when she'd asked him to be allowed to ask herself. 

  
  


"Chicken," she mumbled at him.

  
  


One eyebrow twitching was the only sign Relena could see that he was affected by being called a chicken by a 7 year old. 

  
  


"How can I help?" Relena asked, taking Lauren's hand in her own, and giving her the full benefit of her attention. Lauren loosened up immediately. This was her fairy princess. This was Relena. How bad could a silly old question be anyhow?

  
  


"I get to get new clothes," Lauren said quietly, excitement shining in her eyes, but imparting a very big, important piece of news. "And all sorts of things. But Heero's stupid when it comes to things like that." As Relena's eyes widened noticeably, she amended, "Or that's what Duo says. We were wondering if you could... help us."

  
  


"You want me to go shopping with you?" Relena asked, looking from Lauren to Heero. 

  
  


Lauren nodded vigorously, hair bobbing like a boat in rough seas, all but hopping up and down in her enthusiasm. Heero's hands inched toward his pockets as he digested Lauren's un-waning excitement and Relena's question.

  
  


"I don't know how," he began. "That is, if you could show... If I could watch..."

  
  


Relena felt a grin begin to spread on her face.

  
  


"You want me to teach you how to shop for a girl?"

  
  


He was going to be scuffing his toe in the dirt in a moment, she thought in awe. She'd never seen him so singularly uncomfortable in all the time that she'd known him. 

  
  


"If it wouldn't be too much trouble," he said finally.

  
  


"Please," Lauren pleaded. "He'll buy you dinner, and make it worth your while."

  
  


Relena blinked, as did Heero. 

  
  


"Let me guess," she said, amusement coloring her voice. "Duo told you that one as well."

  
  


"Yup! You're a good guesser, Relena."

  
  


"I have experience." Relena smiled as if letting Lauren in on some big secret. "I'd be glad to help. Just let me get my purse."

  
  


"If now's a bad time, it can wait," Heero broke in. 

  
  


"Now is perfect. I'll be right back."

  
  


Her eyes met his once more as she turned to enter the house. 'Don't worry,' her eyes seemed to say. 'I want to help you.' And goodness knew he wanted her help. Children were a mystery to him, and a little girl was a mystery and a half. She needed clothes, shoes... things. He wanted her to feel as if she belonged, and the bare room she was staying in wasn't any great sign of comfort. She should have a pretty bed, with loops or fancy trimming, and girly things. Dolls, toys, books... things all children needed. It was like starting from scratch, only instead of a new baby, he had a walking, talking imp of a girl. A little sprite who, to his amazement, saw right through him, and his tamped down need to see Relena. It didn't hurt that she adored Relena, but he was never quite sure just what ulterior motives Lauren was cooking up. Woman she adores, man she adores... was it somehow equaling the recipe for one happy family in that tousled head? And just what exactly was Duo feeding into her anyway?

  
  


***

  
  


The mall was alive with pre-Holiday activity. Lauren, instinctively understanding just who had the ability to navigate the crowded passages, and knowing who exactly was responsible for making sure she returned with clothes that fit, stuck right with Relena. Heero trailed after them, distracted by the people moving with great purpose, but still doggedly trying to keep up. He stared in something akin to horror as a group of screaming children and one lone mother went dashing by, but realized the error of his ways as he almost plowed over a woman with a baby carriage. After that experience he stuck close to Relena's back, seeing immediately who, between he and Lauren, had it all figured out from the beginning. 

  
  


Relena maneuvered them off to one side, and turned to look expectantly at Heero. 

  
  


"Is there some place you want to start first?"

  
  


He returned the look meekly.

  
  


"Clothes?" he suggested, as if he wished to yank the word back.

  
  


The fine art of clothes shopping, he later learned, was often not going just for what one needed. For instance, when he needed socks, he waited until the last possibly second as they were falling apart, and then he bought socks. Or shirts, pants, shoes... whatever the case might have been. It was one concession to not being a soldier any more. His shoes were not shined. His bed was not made. He had become a bachelor in a super human amount of time. This was simply life as he knew it. But this shopping... was a different creature entirely. He knew they were going from scratch, but as he followed them from store to store, observing and giving the occasional obligatory comment, he realized this was what she needed, what she might need tomorrow, and what she might fit in next week after she grew out of what she needed now. It was enough to make his head spin. 

  
  


Jeans, pants, shirts of all varieties and sleeve lengths, socks, underclothes, sneakers, dress shoes, tights, hair ribbons, nightgowns, skirts and blouses, slips... all in several colors and styles, accessorized and color matched so even the least knowledgeable color matcher couldn't screw up too badly. After he'd muddled that a bit he realized it was a not so subtle doubting of his skills as a... whatever one might be who organized clothing. Quite possibly deserved as he couldn't even come up with a name for it. By some common agreement "The Dress" was left till last. From their secret girl smiles he imagined it was something faintly important. In the cheaper stores they got life necessities, shampoo and conditioner, hair brush, hair detangler, tooth brush, toothpaste and floss, soap, special wash cloths and towels... a seemingly never ending supply of things she would need. 

  
  


The food court was the second most eye opening experience of his life. People lining up everywhere like animals to slaughter, talking, laughter, people milling around, children toddling after parents, teenagers hanging around like a bunch of half-starved wolves. How had he not experienced this? There was food from a dozen countries, and an almost bizarre amount of people waiting to eat it. It was like... a cultural center in the middle of a pointless shopping complex.

  
  


Relena noticed he had slowed, and took his arm so they could find a table without him falling over some unsuspecting people. He was, in his stoic faced amazement, rather child-like. A child tripping over a dog because he was fascinated by the forest.

  
  


They were thankful that the bags were safely tucked away, and they were free to sit in comfort. No amount of persuasion could get Lauren to take her own seat, instead she insisted on taking Heero's lap after they had gotten their food. With a little maneuvering they managed to situate themselves so that both were happy and that Heero could eat without bringing his food over Lauren's head. 

  
  


She squeaked as her fingers encountered a fry that was too hot, and he had the lid off her drink and her fingers cooling in the carbonated liquid before either of them could blink. When she started giggling from the carbonation tickling her, he knew she was ok. All the same he brought her fingers up to his mouth and kissed them. She giggled again and snuggled into his embrace.

  
  


When he looked up to Relena he wondered at the look on her face as she stared at him. It was as if she were longing for something, but how could that be? She looked so vulnerable. And then she realized he was watching her watch him and her eyes turned to her plate, her cheeks flushing along her delicate bones. 

  
  


"Do we get to do the dress next?" Lauren asked, her eyes wide with anticipation. 

  
  


"If it's all right with Heero," Relena said. 

  
  


After all that they'd encountered, could dress shopping be any scarier? He shouldn't have asked.

  
  


It was decided that they were looking for something green, with her coloring it would go smashingly well and nothing could have persuaded them otherwise. Three stores later he found himself watching yet another wall. The last store they were in he had taken the chance in looking around. He had been amazed by the skimpiness of a white sheath dress, and upon further inspection realized it wasn't a dress at all, rather underclothes. A shade of red later and that had been the end of that. Relena and Lauren were talking to an attendant and with his ear half tuned he started.

  
  


"We have some lovely mother-daughter sets this time of year. Green velvet. Would you like to try them on?"

  
  


Not one of the three people who knew the truth of not being a mother and daughter spoke up, instead the two shoppers looked at each other. 

  
  


"Could we?" Lauren nearly begged. "Wouldn't it be neat to have matching dresses?"

  
  


Relena hadn't come out today particularly looking for a dress, but it was so very hard to tell her no. With an "Oh well!" look to Heero, the two were swept back into the dressing rooms. Lauren was the first to emerge. It was a dark, bold green, suited to the winter months and ripe in the beauty of the velvet. The dress Lauren wore had a skirt long and full enough to appeal to a young girl's dreaming of princesses, but still functional. But Lauren wasn't looking at him as she came out, instead she moved to the side, allowing Relena to step out, ever so hesitantly. The skirt of her dress fell in waves, catching the light in the softness, reaching almost to the floor in a slimming sweep of fabric. It was a halter neck, but cut higher than some for both modesty and warmth, but leaving enough of a hint of cleavage to further enhance the line of the dress in accentuating the more feminine attributes. The curve of her hips, the dip of her waist, the slope of her rib cage, were all hugged lovingly by the material. It came with a shawl, dark silver and filmy to protect the exposed skin of the wearer, without detracting from the dress at all. 

  
  


It made the green in Relena's eyes stand out starkly, he thought, and making her skin look very pale and fine in the deep color. With her hair down around her shoulders and unadorned she was beautiful, but he could see her with emerald drop earrings at her ears, her mouth painted a fragile pink, eyes accented and dark, the dark gold of her hair swept up to show off the line of her neck, and an emerald choker at her neck, a fine silver chain sparkling like diamonds as it trailed down to her breasts. It was embarrassing to admit to himself that he had seen dresses before and imagined them on her, imagining how she'd look. On the other hand in this dress she'd look just as fine with no makeup, no shawl, with bare feet... it was just her gift. 

  
  


Now Lauren looked to him for his opinion, coming to stand next to Relena. Her skin looked just as pale, her own eyes glowing brightly. She was going to be a beautiful woman, he could see that. She ran into his arms as he got down to his knees. 

  
  


"What do you think?" she asked, breathless. 

  
  


"I say we take them both."

  
  


"Relena, you hear?"

  
  


Relena had heard all right. She had seen every play of expression over Heero's face, from when he had first seen her until Lauren had run to his arms. When he looked at Lauren his face showed affection, a look so endearing on him that it was hard not to feel the urge to hug him. When he had looked at her it had been so different. His eyes had been dark, almost guarded, his expression one of all seriousness as he had seemed to inspect her top to bottom. It had made shivers race down her spine, that expression, making her wish his eyes had shown a little more of what he had been thinking. There was no doubting she loved the dress, it was a purely feminine feeling she had while wearing it, the luxury of the velvet making it so. The obvious joy that Lauren took in being in the same type of dress as she also gave it value. The attendant had thought them mother and daughter, that the three of them had been a family. Lauren did not look so much like either Heero or Relena, but it was not uncommon for couples to have adopted children. It was the bond of affection that was so obvious that made them appear to be so, instead of any great outward likeness. 

  
  


"I heard." She smiled.

  
  


Heero smiled back, a much lighter version.

  
  


"Why don't you two go change, and I'll pay for them."

  
  


Relena opened her mouth to protest but Heero cut her off with a look. Lowering her head in defeat, for the moment, she took Lauren's hand and they disappeared in a wave of green. The attendant, happy to see such a lovely family happy with their selections, gladly took Heero's money. And so the dress was done. Had it been scarier? Not in a sense. But in the knowledge that he knew that every moment together sent him falling deeper into the want of Relena's presence, oh yes, it was terrifying. Especially now that he had not only himself and Relena to hurt, but a child.

  
  


***


	3. Surprise?

***

  
  


The building the girl haunted was familiar with her presence. People knew her by name for two reasons: she was the only child there, and she was Heero Yuy's. It was Christmas vacation, she learned, and so there were few people hanging about. Heero was unwilling to leave her at home with a stranger, and she was just as happy to read or play in his office. Duo, just as tenacious a worker as Heero, still took time out of his day to chase her around the halls and let her hang out with him for a change of pace. Someone had waylaid her during the day and pinned a green cadet cap to her hair, which went smartly with her tan jumper and dark shoes. It had drawn several laughs about how young they were starting them now and she did nothing but smile which caused them to cluck over her a bit more. Adults, in that way, were entirely predictable.

  
  


Heero and Duo were about to take her to lunch when they had to stop and talk to a passing worker, which meant her curiosity in the area led her to trot off without them. She turned into an open doorway and stood quietly. Lauren stared at the doughnut in the familiar looking man's hand. It was "Wufei" she was sure from his ponytail. He didn't notice her until she was almost at his knee, and staring predatorily at his doughnut. 

  
  


"Yes?" he queried. 

  
  


She blinked up at him innocently. "What?"

  
  


"You're staring."

  
  


"It looks good." It was slightly wistful.

  
  


He cleared his throat. "It's mine."

  
  


"Didn't your mommy ever teach you to share?"

  
  


"Didn't your mommy ever teach you not to talk to strangers? Besides, I am sharing. With myself."

  
  


"You're rude." She furrowed her brows at him.

  
  


"And you aren't? Whose child are you?"

  
  


"Lauren," came the warning voice from the doorway. The girl put on her brightest face and turned to Heero as Wufei sighed. He should have known. Giving in Wufei pinched the end off of the doughnut and held it to her mouth, but just far enough back so she couldn't reach it.

  
  


"What do you say?"

  
  


"Thank you!" she chirped. 

  
  


She happily chewed and moved her head into Heero's hand like a kitten. 

  
  


"She got away," Heero said wryly. 

  
  


"Apparently," Wufei observed. 

  
  


"I'm gonna go get Duo," she said, dashing out before Heero could say yes or no. Heero paused, listening until Duo's laughter told him that she had arrived safely and he relaxed. 

  
  


"She certainly has your will," the darker haired man said as he relaxed in his chair. "She's..."

  
  


"Precocious? Talkative? Insistent? Annoying?"

  
  


"A cute kid," Wufei finished. 

  
  


Heero smiled, his eyes lighting with humor as he made a sound of agreement.. "She is that."

  
  


"You're the last of us anyone expected to pick up an urchin," Wufei said thoughtfully. "Most thought it'd be Duo, giving his penchant for collecting things."

  
  


"He and Hilde will undoubtedly have a crowd of their own before too long."

  
  


"You're right. He'll be good with them," the dark gaze narrowed on Heero. "I hear and see that you're very good with her. Both hers actually. Did you really take the minister shopping with you?"

  
  


"Duo talks too much," Heero said with little conviction.

  
  


"Occasionally. Certainly before you took a child in I would have dismissed it as his attempt to tease you, but I'm not so sure about this one."

  
  


"I needed a woman to help."

  
  


"There are lots of women out there."

  
  


This was pointed out almost airily by Wufei, in fact he looked as if he were approaching smug all confidant in his seat. 

  
  


Heero scowled. "What's your point?"

  
  


"Don't throw it away. If you're good enough to raise a kid, you're qualified for everything else. Besides, she's lonely and so are you. Stop lying to yourself and get a clue."

  
  


"Isn't this a different tune?" Heero asked incredulously.

  
  


Quiet laughter from the door took both of their attention.

  
  


"Lauren is a precious child," Sally said as she entered, resting her hips against Wufei's desk. "Relena would make a great mother, even if it is a strange tune from an unlikely source."

  
  


Heero cleared his throat as the two agents looked at each other and the room almost caught on fire from the sparks.

  
  


"I should be going. Thanks for the... advice."

  
  


***

  
  


They were at Relena's door. Again. If she answered the door this time, if he had been her, he would have run for his life. The marathon trip had gone well, but still every person had their limits. Lauren had pulled some trump cards on him, and here they stood. 

  
  


It was, as luck would have it, Relena herself who opened the door. She looked from the snugly clad Lauren to Heero who looked, if it were possible, even less comfortable than the time before. Lauren opened her mouth to speak, then looked back to Heero who was steadfastly staring at one of the windows off on another floor. There would be no help from him in this. 

  
  


"Do you two want to come in?" Relena asked, hugging her elbows in the air. 

  
  


"For a minute," Heero warned Lauren, who took it as the order that it was. 

  
  


Lauren for sure would have liked to stay for a good deal longer than a minute. She had the urge to run down the shining, wooden entry and explore the many, she was sure, interesting rooms. 

  
  


"How can I help you this time?" Relena asked with her now nearly trademark smile. 

  
  


"Are you doing anything for Christmas?" the girl asked.

  
  


"Only a Christmas eve service. All my family is away, so it's going to be a quiet year."

  
  


This was music to a little girl's scheming ears.

  
  


"Would you spend it with us?"

  
  


Relena blinked.

  
  


"You could come today, because tomorrow's Christmas eve! You could stay in my room, and it'd be like a big slumber party. You could help us set up the tree, and decorate it! Heero cooks good, so you wouldn't have to do any work. Please, will you come?"

  
  


Heero had yet to look at her. The tiles under his feet must have been true works of art. Lauren noticed Relena's line of sight and added into the pile of reasons the largest one.

  
  


"Heero says it's ok, and he wants you to come too."

  
  


This brought Heero's eyes up at exactly the desired speed: immediate. 

  
  


"You want a house guest for Christmas?" Relena asked. 

  
  


His mouth quirked. "One could do worse." It was amended quickly. "Lauren begged me without ceasing... if you want to play to her wishes, you're more than welcome. I even qualify as security."

  
  


"I tell you what... I'll come right now if you both will come with me to the eve services I have to attend. It won't be too terribly long, and there will be free food afterwards."

  
  


"Can we wear our dresses?" Lauren asked, her eyes huge. 

  
  


"If that's what you want."

  
  


"Heero! Can we, pleeeaasee?"

  
  


It was like saying no to the Nile. He didn't even have to say anything for her to know that he'd agreed. 

  
  


"Yay!!"

  
  


"Do you really want me to come right now?" Relena asked, not being able to hide the odd note in her voice.

  
  


Lauren's violent nod answered from one party, but Heero's rather blank expression answered nothing. It wasn't until Relena frowned at him that he finally relented and nodded as well. Pushing open a door to her right that opened to a sunlit sitting parlor she looked back to them.

  
  


"It shouldn't take me very long to get ready," most of the comment was aimed at Heero. "If you want to wait..?"

  
  


"That's not a problem."

  
  


Lauren earned a smile as she stared up at Relena in something akin to hopefulness. 

  
  


"Do you want to come help me pack?"

  
  


The girl would have lunged at Relena except for the hand holding her back. No words like "behave" came from Heero, but it was extremely apparently in his eyes, and was shown expressly in Lauren's demeanor as she bounced over: in a controlled manner. 

  
  


Lauren was already chattering as Relena led her off, and as Heero entered the very stiff, very formal room, he wondered just who he had to thank that Relena actually accepted having her ear talked off. The walls were decorated with calm, flowery paintings accenting the little figurines spread around. The chair he sat on was stiff with disuse, only confirming his initial thought that Relena didn't use this room... ever.

  
  


*

  
  


Relena was holding her own in regards to the chatter Heero thought she merely accepted. Lauren reminded her a bit of herself when she was smaller. Perhaps she hadn't been quite so enthusiastic, but the urge to know things had been there, indulged by the father and mother she still missed. The absolute adoration that shown from Lauren when she was around Heero, or talked about him, was perhaps the most precious thing she had ever seen. If that glow in the child's eyes never faded it would be too soon. 

  
  


Perched on Relena's bed Lauren was taking in every inch of her fairy princess' bedroom. From the light blue walls decorated with some boldly colored paintings, to the thick light cream carpet, it was like she had imagined it would be. The painting she liked best was of a beach with the blue water rushing in to shore. It made her wish she was there to hear the water. 

  
  


Relena turned back to see Lauren studying the painting.

  
  


"That's my favorite beach," Relena said quietly. "I love just sitting there and watching the waves roll in. There's a kind of scraggly forest right by there, and the sand is cool with the water. It always reminded me of where I first met Heero on a beach. I had to have the picture when I saw it."

  
  


"I like it," Lauren said with a smile. "Maybe we can go there sometime?"

  
  


Relena laughed, zipping her small suitcase. "Maybe sometime when it isn't winter."

  
  


That was certainly agreeable to Lauren. 

  
  


***

  
  


Relena wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to react when walking into Heero's place of inhabitance for the first time. It was awkward, first of all, a little awing in itself, and not a little thrilling to some deep part of her that was screaming in disbelief that she would be in the same house as Heero for almost three whole days. 

  
  


Stepping over the threshold was like stepping into fantasy-land. She wondered for a brief second if the house had come with furniture when he had moved in, but dismissed it. It flowed right into the living space, glossy hardwood floors covered in the middle by a large, fluffy, rich brown rug. The three seat leather couch was tan, demure, and had a slightly crumpled fuzzy blue throw thrown over it. At an angle to it was a slightly darker easy chair, and her imagination could easily see him sitting in it and watching the mid sized tv. The two wing chairs that matched the couch sat on one side of the coffee table, both clumped together as if he hadn't been quite sure how to set them. It was a comfortable room, nothing bright or clashy, but one for relaxing. Her aesthetic eye could see moving the furniture slightly, but those were minor things. The most important thing about it was the blend of both Lauren and Heero that accented it. Both dolls and manilla folders warred for dominance of the coffee table, a child's shoe peeked out from one corner of the couch, and Heero's Preventer jacket lay draped over the back of one of the wing chairs. 

  
  


"Come see my room," Lauren insisted, tugging Relena off to the left and down the hallway. Heero was glad for Lauren's sudden thought. He was so accustomed now to bringing home a briefcase to deposit in his room, that he had almost begun to carry Relena's suitcase that way. If Lauren had called him on his blunder, what could he have said? That his room was in that direction? He didn't want to give Relena any ideas like that, and certainly not when she'd been there only minutes. There would be speculation on her visit, but Lauren was his key. If someone called him on it, he would declare her sleeping in the same room as Relena, and if someone pushed it they would deal with him. The press had long since dropped the hounding of Relena, both through her own request, and subtle, unofficial threats going through certain channels, so the only medium they had to worry about was gossip. Even then there were only select few who knew she was with him, ones who needed to know in case of emergency and out of duty. There had been no attacks recently made on her, so there was little security risk, and he fancied the security system on the house was as top notch as the one on hers. It had not been a spur of the moment decision.

  
  


Lauren's room vaguely resembled a controlled bomb explosion. There were toys, books, and clothes hangers sitting in stacks along the walls. A half assembled bookshelf lazed against one wall, and there were still bags of clothes from their expedition that had never been emptied. About the only things not in disarray was the bed, which was freshly made, and her dresser. The middle of the room was blessedly empty, due to Heero's mad cleaning session earlier. Lauren had found it easiest just to sit back and let him work, otherwise he surely would have trampled over her in his haste. 

  
  


"Hopefully you'll be comfortable in here," Heero said, setting her suitcase next to the dresser. Nerves that were hitting her belatedly made her throat so tight she could barely speak.

  
  


"I know I will be, thank you."

  
  


"Heero?" Lauren's face held visions of innocence. "When's dinner?"

  
  


"Hungry?" He knew the answer to that even before Lauren nodded. She was always hungry. "Relena?"

  
  


"I could eat," she admitted. "But I can help..."

  
  


He waved her off. "Mistress Lauren won't hear of it. She wants you all to herself. The kitchen servant will withdraw now."

  
  


With a mock bow that was met with Lauren's dignified wave, he left. Relena was dumbfounded.

  
  


"Does he... do that often?" she asked in shock.

  
  


"He plays with me when I ask him. He's less stiff about it all the time. Did he never get to play much?"

  
  


"I don't think so."

  
  


Lauren smiled. "It's good I'm here then, 'cause he can play with me all the time. He's really funny some times. He makes really good prince voices."

  
  


"Does he really?" There was no helping the amusement that colored her voice.

  
  


"Yep!"

  
  


Relena looked again at the piles. He would not be happy that she worked during her stay, but he was just going to have to live with it. "What do you say we start setting things right in here?" He had done so much for Lauren already, it was really the least that she could do.

  
  


***

  
  


Deep fits of giggles drew her to the kitchen. She had to smile at the sight of Heero, in an apron by the looks of things, held a squealing Lauren who was planting kissing over every expanse of his upturned face. He was laughing, almost hesitantly in a way, but it was obvious, so very obvious, the connection the two had formed. He seemed to sense her presence, and cleared his throat while shifting Lauren so she was more to his side. 

  
  


"I didn't mean to interrupt," Relena said apologetically.

  
  


"You didn't," Heero assured quickly.

  
  


They seemed content to the let the whole thing go, Lauren on the other hand, wasn't letting two silly adults make bigger fools of themselves. 

  
  


"Relena... didn't you see his apron? We bought it together!"

  
  


Relena had her first opportunity to see it. The bold letters of "Kiss the Cook" spread out for the eye to see and Heero looked a bit perturbed that he had been included in the mad plot to buy himself a silly apron. 

  
  


"It's... cute." Relena floundered.

  
  


Cute was what it wasn't, Heero mourned. 

  
  


"It's law in the kitchen," Lauren intoned seriously, imitating Heero more than she knew. "Whatever the apron says you gotta do."

  
  


"Lauren," Heero scolded lightly. "That's for us. I'm sure Relena doesn't want to participate in our games."

  
  


"Well, since I'm being treated to all the food, it seems only fair."

  
  


Heero stood like a deer in the headlights as Relena appeared almost magically beside his addle-brained body to kiss him lightly on the cheek. Again, the instigator of the whole plot was a step ahead of her slow friends. Lauren had a hold of Relena's collar before she had time to take her lips away from Heero's face. And much as the time that Relena first met Lauren, the child was not letting she and Heero part. 

  
  


"Lauren." The warning in Heero's tone was a bit sharper this time. 

  
  


"I just have a question," Lauren replied with a somewhat pouty face. "You're a girl, right Relena?"

  
  


"Yes," Relena answered, surprised.

  
  


"And Heero's a boy."

  
  


"So we hope," Heero said with no little amount of exasperation as he tried not to think of Relena's close proximity.

  
  


"Don't girls and boys kiss on the mouth?"

  
  


The silence that reigned in the next moments was of two, intelligent adults quietly considering the side effects of having a child that was simply too bright. 

  
  


"Boys do kiss girls on the mouth," Relena said, knowing that getting Heero to enter into that question would be like exchanging oceans over night. "But generally they have a relationship."

  
  


"What's a relationship?"

  
  


"It's a connection... a bond."

  
  


"You and Heero have a connection."

  
  


"Yes, but..."

  
  


"So shouldn't you kiss him on the mouth? That means you have a relationship."

  
  


"Sometimes relationships are different," Relena was getting desperate now. Heero's aftershave was eating away at her senses and the heat from his body was far too warm for any semblance of ignoring the fact she was standing next to a virile male. "Some are like..." she almost choked "brother and sister."

  
  


The strangled noise from Heero's throat went unnoticed by the two females engaged in a discussion not generally had while attached to a man. 

  
  


"But you're not his sister, and he's not your brother... Duo kisses Hilde on the mouth. I think you should kiss Heero."

  
  


"You're thinking too much today, I think," Heero said, finally cutting in. "You two can argue who should kiss me all you want... somewhere else. Lauren, let go of Relena. And Relena... run now, or she's going to argue with you till you're both blue in the face."

  
  


Relena peered up at him rather owlishly from her position, and he could feel Lauren's accusatory stare on the side of his face. Relena's lips were tempting, he'd give them that... certainly it wasn't the first time he'd thought so. 

  
  


"It's just one kiss," he murmured. 

  
  


Relena's eyes sank closed as he leaned into her. He paused oh so briefly a fraction of an inch away, and with Lauren still clutched on his hip, their lips met for the first time. It was a feather soft meeting, lips moving and shifting, straining for contact, for more heat. The kiss seemed to go on forever to her mind, her lips clinging to his as he pulled away. 

"See, I told ya," Lauren said. 

  
  


"Little imp," Heero said, putting her down. "Go play."

  
  


"Ok." 

  
  


With a skip and wave she was out the door. 

  
  


He sighed unperceptively and turned to Relena. 

  
  


"I'm sorry."

  
  


Had it just been to get Lauren to be quiet? She searched his eyes finding no hint of an answer. 

  
  


"Don't worry about it," she said, smiling to cover up the dash of pain. "I was just following the rules of the kitchen after all."

  
  


The kitchen felt very lonely as she walked out, and he felt the distinct urge to call her back, so she could follow the rules of the kitchen again. 

  
  


***


	4. Promise

***

  
  


Relena felt as though she could practically skip down the hallway. It was the eve of Christmas eve, she was in Heero's apartment of all things, and there was a small child so very delighted to have her there. It had been so very long since she could remember the magic of Christmas. Wars and a painful growing up process had all but eliminated the joyous feelings she had once felt so close to in her early years. She exchanged pleasantries with her brother and his new wife, still Noin to most everyone. It was something she often joked about having her name officially changed to Noin and just be done with the whole thing. Relena no longer thought of her brother as Milliardo, as the name seemed to bring him pain, instead he was known as Zechs, ever hovering on that name. His official name was, of course, Peacecraft, because as he had explained to them, no matter what he had done, he wished to stay loyal at least to the memory of his parents. Zechs to the world, Milliardo Peacecraft on paper. 

  
  


Tomorrow Heero promised Lauren the decoration of the tree, breaking down when she had given him a watery eyed look and said she remembered doing that with her mother. Relena had places she could be tonight, Christmas Eve, Christmas day... there was no end to the amount of invitations she'd received. And yet in the same way that Heero had agreed to go to a church, Relena had given into the girl's insistence that it would be much like a big slumber party. Wouldn't that be fun? She had never quite gotten what Heero thought of the whole affair. Instead he seemed like the backup plan maker, chauffeur to Lauren's wishes, and bag packer. It was really hard to imagine Heero playing second fiddle to anyone, but he and Lauren played well off of each other. They were both just stubborn enough to stand for what they wanted, and just soft enough to give in on the things that weren't large decisions with a soft "Please?" and pleading eyes. And when it came to the child, Heero had perfected the "But I care for you so much, do what I ask?" look to perfection. Lauren was female after all, and she couldn't resist that sorrowful gaze any more than anyone else. With an exasperated sigh on her part, he generally got his way. 

  
  


Following with the set out plans, Relena had been placed in Lauren's room. This allowed Lauren the added joy of being able to try out her new sleeping bag, gladly giving up her bed in favor of having that excuse. They had laid it out together, Relena taking joy in helping get out Lauren's pajamas, and then telling her a story of Heero's bravery during the wars as she brushed the little girl's hair. It was more challenging than this, being a parent, she knew. Lauren was wonderful with her, especially since she liked Relena so much and wanted to be on her best behavior. There were up and down times, as she had seen in the past between Lauren and Heero. But some part of her wished nothing more than for Lauren to be hers, hers and Heero's. She had already lost a part of her heart to the child, and of course the child's unlikely father owned her love. 

  
  


It was almost two in the morning now, and she had no idea why she couldn't sleep. Her robe was tied securely around her to cover up her pajamas, even though they were long and didn't show anything. It just made her feel more secure, especially since she wasn't in her own home. The likelihood of running into a wandering Heero at this time of the morning was unlikely, but she checked the belt of her robe again just to be sure. 

  
  


She was about to tiptoe her way into the kitchen when she heard quiet muttering in the direction of Heero's room. Common sense told her to get a drink, turn tail and head to bed. As was per the norm with Heero, blind curiosity and need won out over any semblance of sense. Instead of quietly going to safe waters, she walked to his door and listened quietly, tamping down all guilty urges.

  
  


"No," he muttered, his deep voice rumbling. "It goes the opposite way. Who makes these things? Children's toys are not rocket science. I could build something smarter than this..."

  
  


Almost of their own volition her knuckles rapped lightly on the door. Instantly all was silent inside, and the light suddenly went out before the door opened. Only the glowing nightlight in the hall, a guide in case Lauren ever needed to see him out in the middle of the night, illuminated his face. He peered over her head down the hall to make sure she didn't have any other inhabitants with her, and then pulled her past him into the room and closed the door. After flipping on the light he leaned against the door in obvious relief. 

  
  


"I thought you were Lauren," he said quite unnecessarily. After looking at the ground, which was littered with metal parts, it was quite obvious who he had been dreading. Two wheels leaned up against the wall, a handlebar teetering next to them. 

  
  


"I see why," Relena said, smiling. "I wouldn't have bothered you, but I heard you talking and couldn't help myself... She's going to love this."

  
  


His lips quirked as he picked up the bike-assembling directions.

  
  


"Normally these things come pre-made, but I got the bright idea I could put it together myself and save some money. I've never seen so many arrows and weird numbering in my life. I could have built Zero from scratch with not much more trouble than this. 

  
  


"It can be done," she assured. "Want some help?"

  
  


"Gladly." Understatement, his mind sneered. She was barefoot and in her little pajamas, offering to help put together a bike for a child that was not her own. It would allow him a good portion of time in which to observe her. Face it, he told himself, it's ogling and nothing else. Even if she'd just gotten out of bed, her hair just pleasantly mussed, and her face clear of any traces of makeup except for the gloss she wore round the clock to keep herself from going insane with dry lips. It only made them more tempting in his view, especially after tonight's episode in the kitchen. 

  
  


Her knee was almost touching his as she leaned in and commented about this part going here. With a bit of wrangling, her giving instructions and he providing the brawn, it took far less time than he had expected, and he had had, he realized, fun while doing it. With Relena giggling when he missed a hole, or slipped the wrench off a screw, he found himself ready to smile. He had given her disapproving looks when she laughed at his misfortunes, which only made her laugh harder. He tightened the seat while she held it for stability, and he found himself staring at her small toes. Feet were not supposed to be dainty. They were for the purpose of keeping one ambulatory, but he had to admire them, and the curve of her ankle as it disappeared under her pant leg. Satisfied with the tightness at last, he rocked back on his heels and gave the new, purple bike a once over. 

  
  


"It looks ride-able," he said, thanking his lucky stars that it did. 

  
  


"It's a beautiful bike. You did a great job picking it out."

  
  


"She made it pretty easy, color-wise. I dread the day she asks to dye her hair purple."

  
  


Relena giggled, imagining the row that would occur if that ever happened. "You seem to be getting along well."

  
  


He shook his head, disbelief written on his features.

  
  


"I can hardly tell her no. We get into these massive arguing matches, something I don't think most people have with their 7 year-old."

  
  


"Are they arguments of anger?"

  
  


He snorted. "We take turns being rational and angry. Then she turns on the tears and..." he let his head drop back against the wall. "I want her to be happy. If she wanted to leave I think I would die. She has become my life. I don't know what to do."

  
  


Relena scooted closer to him, and he turned to her instinctively, curling into her comforting embrace. The day he and Lauren had been rescued he had the urge to bury his face in Relena's shoulder and not let go of her, and now he was able to do so. He maneuvered, pulling her onto his knees so he could hold her closer. Not even when Lauren cuddled with him did he feel this measure of release. It was as if the burdens upon his heart were lightened only by her presence. If he had been prone to tears, it would be now that he would cry out of sheer relief. He breathed in the smell of her shampoo and soap and clung to her as she stroked his hair.

  
  


"Not one person who sees you with her doubts how much you love her. She adores you, Heero, and fights are a normal part of growing up. She's becoming more independent, and pushing the limits of her age. She's smart, she knows how to get to you. But so are you. These things will happen over and over. But the important thing to know is that in the middle of it you both still love each other. You aren't giving in to her whims that would put her in danger, and most all the decisions you make that she fights for are things that aren't that important. If she wants a cookie after lunch, it's not going to be dangerous in the long run. You have opened up to everyone in the time Lauren has been with you, and she's become a lot happier since as well. You took a frightened little girl who had lost her mom, and gave her a home, and a father, and stability. She knows you're there for her. I'm so glad that it all worked out."

  
  


Her words left her suddenly, and so they sat there in the wee hours of the morning just holding each other. Finally he spoke.

  
  


"I don't think that I would have had the courage if it hadn't been for you. You didn't even say anything to me, and yet I could feel your support."

  
  


"I think you would have figured it out by yourself. It makes me so happy to see you together."

  
  


"Why do you care so much? Why..."

  
  


"I..." Would now really be the time to tell him that she loved him? He wanted to know why she cared... was any answer truly enough? "You make it easy to care. I..." His first snuffled breath was her first indication that he had fallen asleep. She couldn't sleep upright like this, was her first thought. Maybe... just for a while. 

  
  


She woke up about an hour and a half later. Heero was now completely sprawled back against the wall and in her half awake shifting, she had moved to supporting herself on his chest with her hands laid out against him. Her back was already protesting, and she couldn't even imagine what Heero's must feel like with her extra weight bending him further. 

  
  


He had the type of face that would only get more handsome with age, she thought. Even with the lines the worry of his life had etched into his face he was a beautiful man, even as the care his soul had taken made him more beautiful inside. Unable to help herself, she let her thumb trail along his lips, kissing his cheek in wonder of the man that he was. 

  
  


"Keep doing that," he mumbled against her finger. She gasped and pulled back, feeling her cheeks heat up. He blinked sleepily at her. "It can't be morning already."

  
  


"No, it's not. You fell asleep while we were talking."

  
  


His lips quirked as he pushed himself upright with one hand, the other resting on her hip. 

  
  


"Apparently." He scrubbed at his face. "Sorry, I don't generally fall asleep during my conversations."

  
  


She laughed. "It's all right. I understand."

  
  


He inclined his head back. 

  
  


"How good of a pillow did I make?"

  
  


"Probably a better one if we had been laying down." She kicked herself mentally as soon as that left her mouth. Wouldn't want to get suggestive now would we? her mind asked her sarcastically. 

  
  


"We could fix that," he said with wide, surprisingly innocent eyes.

  
  


"Another time," she giggled. Another kick.

  
  


It was time to leave, that was for sure. 

  
  


"I'll let you get some sleep." She leaned toward him, expecting to give him a very chaste kiss on the cheek. Her breath caught as his fingers found her face and guided her instead to his lips. He found better purchase on her face and kissed her again, each kiss a little more desperate than the first until the sounds he made deep in his throat were almost begging her to kiss him back. With soft, almost tentative touches, and kisses nearing the brink of madness, it was as if the years of loneliness and longing were being erased. Finally he pulled away, licking his lips as he stared at her, his back finally finding the wall to keep him upright. Her mouth opened as if to say something, and then abruptly closed as she buried her face into his chest. She breathed him in, as if he would disappear in the next minute. In the years that she had spent falling ever deeper for him she had dreamed of his touch, his kiss. Her expectations had fallen so much shorter of reality. It nearly brought her to tears, this ache of unfulfilled love. 

  
  


Heero stared at the bike in front of him, holding Relena close, knowing the last thing he really wanted was to let her go, knowing it was the only right thing to do. If he pushed it right now she might not leave this room tonight, even if she had spent part of it in no danger. He let his hand steal down her back, rubbing his cheek along her face. He had a daughter to think of now, and the smile on Relena's face echoed his thoughts as he helped her up. Before she could open the door he pulled her back for another kiss. Her eyelids fluttered softly as she looked up at him. 

  
  


"Goodnight." His smile was wry.

  
  


She touched his face before turning. 

  
  


"Goodnight."

  
  


When the door closed he leaned back against it, hearing her footsteps fade. Could he honestly do this? Raise a daughter, court Relena? Could he give her what she deserved? His smile was absent now, thinking of Relena. Could this be life... in all its glory?

  
  


***

  
  


Relena's day began quicker than she had hoped for. It felt like she'd just gotten to sleep... it was no revelation to her that she almost had in fact. The energy and ability that children had to get up at obscene hours with no qualms whatsoever was only one of the things she envied about the young. It wasn't as if she was so far removed from it... but there were times she swore she was fifty if she was a day. Right now she didn't feel old, she felt like a bear coming out of hybernation. 

One eye peeked out at Lauren who was hopping from one foot to the other. 

"Morning Relena!" she chirped. 

Relena managed a grunt, and her hand snaked out to push the hair off of her face. Lauren began to look concerned at Relena's apparently lack of enthusiasm that a new day had come. 

"Heero said we shouldn't wake you too early. Did we?" 

The events, or rather, the "incidents," of the night before had Relena sitting up. Ten minutes later she entered the kitchen, dressed, hair brushed, but not quite there. 

"Good morning," Heero began but realized Relena wasn't looking at him at all, rather at the coffee pot. 

"Is that coffee?"

Quick and to the point, he thought in admiration. 

"It could be." 

She scowled at him. "I never took you for a sadistic man, Heero Yuy." 

He shrugged and looked back to Lauren who was still pajama-clad. 

"You need to get dressed if you want to go," he informed her. "Didn't we decide on the green overall set?" 

"Yeah! I know where they are." 

"Do you need any..." 

"Nope! I'll be right back." 

When Relena had successfully taken a sip of coffee and set it down to revel the bliss it was affording her, he saw his opportunity. One arm pulled her closer so she was cuddled against his shoulder, one of her arms going around his back out of dazed instinct. 

When she had woke this morning it had been as if the kisses before had been a dream. Had she really fallen asleep on Heero's chest? And then he'd kissed her, very sure of himself, certainly not hesitantly as one might expect from someone nervous about it. Her stomach was tearing itself up inside and he seemed to be so collected. And now he was hugging her good morning in the middle of his kitchen as his breakfast cooked behind him. The world was bound and determined to mess with her mind, she figured. When he began to let her go she assumed that was the end, certainly a very pleasant one. Her face was already tipping back to look up at him and tell him good morning back so he didn't think of her as a louse, but she did not meet his eyes. It was his ear and hair she saw as now he kissed her cheek, instead of her kissing his, and in an easy move their noses slid together, and then their lips... 

She tasted of coffee, was his first thought, and so must he. She was so open to his demonstration that there was not a bit of protest. That almost weirded him out. He expected her to step back and insist on knowing for what reason he held her in his kitchen and kissed her. It wasn't as if she wasn't naturally inquisitive and he knew that question would be put to him before long. Some deep and protected part of him shouted with the fact that she was enjoying it, that she wanted his affection as much as he wanted to give it to her, and that was enough for him. Why he felt the need to touch her, kiss her, open up to her as Lauren continually taught him how, was a mystery. There was basic lust, of course, because she was beautiful to him. But there were many beautiful women. None of them made him want to do the things to them that he wanted to do to Relena, none of them made him want to hold them, protect them, and make them never leave him. It was, perhaps, in his own reasoning, the closest he had come to admitting something deeper in his need of her. Need was simple, and it was scary, but it was safer than anything else right then. 

He loved Lauren, he knew it without any doubt, and while he might not have told her so, he wanted to make it so clear in how he treated her. He would do anything for her, with certain limitations, even embarrass himself with things he would never do for another human being... except now possibly Relena. And that he would do uncomfortable things for Relena was only because of his love for Lauren. Lauren had taught him how to play, how to laugh, that human contact was a source of comfort, and she had taught him how to love a child. She was safe to love, she loved him unconditionally. His only fear with her was losing her, letting her down, and he had made a determination not to do so. Relena was a bit more complicated. To love Relena meant commitment, it meant compromise, and it carried the same fears that loving Lauren had. It was not so different, only the fear and distrust in himself had been brewing there longer, and it was taking him longer to overcome, even if he didn't know he was breaching walls he thought never to tackle. 

"Well," Relena said blinking up at him with a smile. "Now good morning." 

His eyes smiled at her as he hurriedly picked up his spoon to attend to breakfast. Relena had barely picked up her coffee cup when Lauren bounced in. 

"Is breakfast ready?" 

"Almost." 

"It's oatmeal again."

"You know..." 

"I know," Lauren scowled. "It's good for me." 

But her face brightened when he handed her the cinnamon. Some things in life just needed a little incentive to make them better. 

Heero broke one of the eggs he was planning on making with the oatmeal. Relena was chatting with Lauren and he was feeling a tad... distracted. 

"Heero?" Relena asked, leaning on the counter. 

"Hmm?" 

"Are we eating those eggs?" 

"Yeah... why?" 

She pointed in his direction. "You just broke them into the garbage can."

  
  


He blinked down at the eggs swimming atop the can's contents, and then over at the warming frying pan. 

  
  


"Toast," he decided suddenly. 

  
  


Relena and Lauren giggled. 

  
  


"While you laugh... what are we doing today?"

  
  


"Christmas tree," Lauren said, pouncing on that right away. "We have to get ornaments, and decorate the tree. And then go to Relena's party!"

  
  


Lauren had that one pegged, Relena mused. She chose this particular Christmas eve services for their briefness. All the meaning was there, but in a shorter package. To some though it was merely an excuse to hang around afterwards, eat the free food, and gossip as if it were New Year's eve instead. This would be her third attendance, and she was notorious for leaving as soon as was polite. Which meant 15 minutes of assorted goodies and drinks at other people's insistence, and 45 minutes of her greeting people and excusing herself as she made her way to the door. It was a virtual people ping-pong ball game with her being the ball and the other people, instead of giving her points, sapping her energy. She had an excuse this time though. It probably wouldn't help much, but there would be a child with her, and so she could sail through with a legitimate excuse. That hadn't crossed her mind when she'd first invited them. It had occurred to her that it would be nice to take someone along to an event she had already committed herself to. 

  
  


"We have to take the truck to get the tree."

  
  


Lauren wrinkled her nose at this. "I don't like the truck. It smells like oil and gas," she explained to Relena. "But we did put an air freshener in it."

  
  


To this Heero smirked, "Now it should smell like vanilla and oil and gas."

  
  


***


	5. Progression

***

  
  


The temperatures were steadily staying at a point that hovered above freezing, and that necessitated coats and warm clothing. 

  
  


Lauren skipped ahead, shrewdly studying the rows of trees on either side of her. Heero and Relena walked several paces back, about a foot apart but gravitating towards each other almost unconsciously. If they had been alone it was hard to say if they would have walked closer. They were watching the trees as well, but their attention was primarily on each other. She had always been conscious of his presence, but this was almost ridiculous. Heero's hands were covered with gloves, but they were still too terribly appealing. She wished she had the nerve or the opportunity to reach out and take his hand. 

  
  


"How about this one?" Lauren asked.

  
  


Heero and Relena looked, bemused, at the mammoth tree that the girl stood by.

  
  


"That's a bit larger than we agreed on," Heero pointed out.

  
  


She pouted briefly.

  
  


"It's not that big!"

  
  


"Are you sure that tree is taller than you are?" Relena asked blithely, under Lauren's hearing range.

  
  


"Fairly certain. Just find one about my size, Lauren, ok?" He saw Relena's eyes light up with the opportunity to poke fun a bit, and decided on a whim to beat her to it. "My height," he amended for Relena's ears, "And about Relena's roundness."

  
  


She gaped at him, blustering at his apparent lack of concern with that statement. She pointed a woeing finger at him.

  
  


"You just wait. If we get snow tomorrow, you're getting a nice big snowball down the back of your neck."

  
  


His smile was, if anything, entirely smug. "It's not exactly a great tactical advantage to let your opponent know what you're going to do beforehand."

  
  


She smiled her own secret smile. " I have my ways." 

  
  


"Seriously though... You know I didn't mean it. You're too skinny to be a Christmas tree... and too short."

  
  


If it were possible she looked more insulted by that than the roundness statement.

  
  


"You were my height once too, you know." 

  
  


"I'm not anymore," he pointed out.

  
  


"Snowballs," she reminded.

  
  


"Chance in hell," he countered, confidence nearly oozing out of him. 

  
  


How did one counter that? She stared at him, mind buzzing around what all this meant. The conversation had been entirely pointless. 

  
  


"How's this one?" Heero pointed to beautiful tree just a little taller than himself. 

  
  


Lauren considered it, moving from side to side. "I like it," she said finally.

  
  


Relena smiled, happy with the tree as well, and amused at Heero's obvious relief. It was like Heero to spot the perfect one. They turned back to select it, Lauren rushing them for the promise of hot apple cider, and the decorating that would come after. His fingers reached for hers, twining their hands together as they walked back, and she was content.

  
  


***

  
  


In the end they had bought more decorations than were necessary. If every light was put on the tree it would have been hard to see the green underneath of it, but Heero was uninclined to have to stop in the middle and rush back for more. Lauren had decided upon an angel for the tree, choosing one of the very predictably blonde haired and blue eyed figures. Heero had been a good sport about wrestling the tree into the house, or as it had seemed occasionally, dancing it in. It was an hour of furniture wrestling, base setting, and light untangling before they could step back and admire the fruits of their labor. The tree began a lurching sideways descent. And it started all over again.

  
  


Heero mysteriously begged off from their baking experiments to "run errands." It left Lauren and Relena a good two hours to make messes, and read from Lauren's acquired books as they waited. The time until the services was growing slim by the time he had returned, and Lauren had already bathed and dressed when he walked in the door. He seemed rather mystified as they rushed him off to dress himself, but it seemed to be their prerogative to be antsy: they were female after all.

  
  


***

  
  


The mirror was the recipient of a narrowing of the eyes. Relena had claimed one of Heero's bathrooms a frantic half hour earlier, understanding that, because it was simply how things worked, that she would have more trouble with her hair and face than most any other time. 

  
  


Her prediction had proven true. It was twenty nine minutes, thirty seconds into the mission for near perfection. It was three hairstyles, seven hairpin pinches, a near missed burn with the curling iron, two cases of smeared mascara, three shades of lipstick, four of eyeshadow, and at least six times frustration had bit her hard and near tears she had almost given up and called it good. It pleased her to see that her perseverance had won out.

  
  


At precisely to the second, thirty minutes since she had entered in, a knock came on the door. Heero, nothing but always prompt. When the door opened, instead of him allowing her into the hall, he herded her back into the room and closed the door behind him. 

  
  


Her face began to heat instantly as he, for lack of a better word, visually examined her. From her curled, pinned up hair, to her stockinged but shoeless feet. It was some packaging, he thought, all fire and shadow. And yet even as he knew how soft the velvet was, still his fingers twitched to touch the skin underneath, feel the warmth that gave true beauty to the otherwise shapeless dress.

  
  


"You said half an hour," he said in acknowledgment of her request. "You made it."

  
  


Laughter spawned by the times she'd nearly dumped her makeup down the toilet, bubble over, causing her eyes to dance with tears, carefully contained tears, of amusement. "It was a close call, let me tell you."

  
  


He had to clench his hands now to keep from reaching out and touching her perfect face, that softly curled hair. "You're just like I'd pictured," he said softly. Except for one thing.

  
  


The floor would have been a handy place for her to have sat if he had touched her then. With her emotions already running high, seeing him clad in formal clothes, her breath was all but leaving her in gasps from taking it all in. 

  
  


"Sit down for a second, please," Heero requested, pulling out her make-shift vanity chair. She complied, watching him through the mirror even as he watched her. "Close your eyes.

  
  


Her curiosity was winning a losing battle against practicality. With her eyes closed, her ears strained to hear, even to the point where she was holding her breath to hear what was happening around her. There was a quiet tinkling sound, the quiet rhythm of Heero's breathing. Her nose detected the fading, to her own detection anyway, scent of her perfume, and subtle undertones of aftershave. That, she thought ruefully, had completely backfired, in the extent that now instead of wondering what he was up to, she wanted to turn and feel his face, freshly shaved and probably slightly damp.

  
  


At the first cool touch of metal around her neck, her eyes almost flew open but she held on. She felt a chill race through her as a heavy coolness slithered across her skin to settle weightily in the hollow of her breasts. A necklace? she wondered.

  
  


"Ok," he said, his hand falling to her shoulder.

  
  


She blinked twice before truly seeing what she was supposed to. It was a choker, two strands that sat cool and heavy against her neck. It crisscrossed delicately, chained top and bottom with slim baguette cut emeralds set in deep silver. At the front of it, right in the middle of her throat was a series of loops, Celtic knots, laid out in mother of pearl. From the loop at the bottom hung a fine silver chain, what she had felt earlier, that drew the eyes to the skin it traced, even as the finery above it drew the eyes up. Her hand was halfway to her throat before she could think. It was perhaps the most gorgeous piece of jewelry she had ever seen, and it was quite possible the most expensive one she had seen not on a rich someone's wife, or in a store display. 

  
  


"Heero..." He caught her hand before she could raise it far, stooping down and bending his wrist so he could twine their fingers together. She met his eyes in the mirror, her mind swept away by how much of a couple they looked, he in his dark suit, and she in her dress. His expression was one that promised he would take no arguments, no matter what she was going to say.

  
  


"Heero, I can't..."

  
  


"You can. This is..." He lifted his hand to trail a thumb down the curve of her neck, delicately tracing the edge of the choker. She couldn't speak as he touched her, could barely breathe. "This is a present, a gift, a thank you. It has all of my thanks, all of my appreciation, all of my... Relena, it suits you. Please."

  
  


If only he had completed that last thought. What would he have said? Admiration? Gratitude? Love? If it had been anything that could have swayed her into accepting it, it was no explanation, but that quiet "Please." had done far more to his side. 

  
  


"It's so expensive," she said, already on her way to lusting after ownership of it. 

  
  


His smile quirked. "Much as I hate to say it, but these gems are one of many. There are countless emeralds out there, waiting to be cut for a necklace or ring. I have no lack of money, and there's only one of you. There's only one, and I..."

  
  


Could a person just melt? He had neglected to finish what had promised to be a telling sentence once again. He was offering so much of himself up in this. It should seem odd, not like the man she had known, but hadn't she always knew, suspected, that there was a deeper side to him? That there was playfulness, humor, and even love? 

  
  


The hand on her neck glided up to cup her chin, guiding her head back until she could look up at him. His lips met hers at an angle and they both compensated for it. The first kiss had been soft, uncertain, and the ones following it full of curiosity and hunger. This differed so in the longing spilled from lips on lips, the sweetness, the passion, the rightness that was sought after. It tingled through her like a hand touching snow, an awareness that had her eyes drifting open, surprised to find his open as well. 

  
  


"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I've ruined your lipstick."

  
  


"That's the second time you've apologized to me after kissing me," she said wryly. "It's really not necessary."

  
  


"I'm sorry."

  
  


She giggled, a light sound, before digging out her lip dressing tools.

  
  


"Lips are the easiest thing to do anyway, so don't worry."

  
  


He horned in on her seat, comforted by the feel of her against his side, and captivated as she wiped away the remnants of her previous work, and set out to recoat her lips. He questioned what she did, running the gamut from liner to moisturizer to lipstick to coating gloss. It was a pleasantly slick feeling, the feel of two lips sliding together after her work was done. He blinked at her as she made as if to hand him the wand. 

  
  


"Would you like to touch yours up as well?"

  
  


Looking at himself in the mirror he found himself amused, seeing the pink tinge his lips had taken from their kiss. 

  
  


"Not a bad job for something unintentional, I must say," Relena said with a chortle. "But I'd have chosen a different color for you. Say... that *is* an idea!"

  
  


He finished wiping off his mouth to send her a glare that was riddled with horror. "If you speak a word of that idea to Lauren I'll disown you."

  
  


She smiled, gathering her assorted belongings so they could leave. 

  
  


"Nice earrings by the way," he said offhandedly. 

  
  


"Thanks," she answered, narrowing her eyes slightly. "I received them in the mail from an anonymous source. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, now would you?"

  
  


"That's classified information." He reached to touch the lobe of her ear where the emerald drop hung from, turning abruptly to open the door. "Let's go... before you have to fix yourself up again."

  
  


***


	6. Christmas Eve

***

  
  


The church that the Christmas eve services were held at was large, to make an understatement. It was not as high in social order as it could have been but it was plenty high above Heero's own figured status. It was almost gothic in style, with huge vaulted roofs and dark somber wood, lightened with Christmas colors of poinsettias, holly, and wreaths. Relena held one elbow, Lauren holding his opposite hand as they entered. The finery of the people around them was comparable to their own, so in that manner he felt fine. There were curious stares sent in their direction as they entered, however. He knew they recognized Relena, and possibly a number of them recognized him from the wars or his Preventer work, but the two of them together, and with a child, must have raised certain discreet questions. He wondered briefly if those who didn't recognize them saw them as a family, and shifted uncomfortably away from the thought. It might be in a corner of the society pages in the next week, but he wasn't concerned. Attending together didn't have to hold any deeper connotations. They didn't know she was staying at his house after all. 

  
  


Relena led them skillfully to where they were to be seated, and he was pleasantly not uncomfortable taking a place among the high society people. Lauren had all the world to do with this, as she was wowed by the huge church, and awed at the people. The candles awed her, and made him watchful, and she sang all the songs with gusto. She and Relena, it seemed, knew all the words, while he stood rather silent and trying not to look out of place. Relena seemed to sense this and moved closer to him, slipping her arm through his to comfort him. When all was done with he had to admit he felt relief. The service hadn't bothered him overly much, but there were no complaints that it was over. 

  
  


Relena once again led them out, procuring the promised goodies for Lauren, working her way through the crowds with a word here and there and a smile, and suddenly they were out, free. He wished absently that it had been a true party, with dancing, and that he could have swept her onto a dance floor in all her finery.

  
  


The last thing she had wanted to do was make him uncomfortable by being there. She knew, of course, that he had not attended for her sake, but rather for Lauren's. And she was entirely fine with that, better than fine in fact. To feel jealousy towards the child in this case would be absurd. He had gamely participated, watching eagle eyed as Lauren held her lighted candle, and paying polite attention to the rest of the program. He hadn't been rude or otherwise obviously displeased, and she had not expected it. She had heard the horror tales of him setting his own broken leg, so his powers of endurance were not subject to doubt. 

  
  


"Were you ok with being there?" she asked quietly, the lights of the other cars casting streaks of light and shadows in the car but not disturbing Lauren who had drifted off in the back seat. 

  
  


"It didn't bother me that much," he said easily.

  
  


"I didn't really think..." she began somewhat apologetically. 

  
  


"It's all right. Everyone has a right to their beliefs, and if that's what they believe in then that's their perogative."

  
  


"But you don't like what they do?"

  
  


"It's a sham. They come together to commemorate the birth of a man on the eve of the birthday of a god they call pagan, and give gifts the next day in honor of the first while forgetting the second. There's no point in it."

  
  


She pondered that a second. "They want to take something pagan and turn it into something good, I suppose. It's tradition."

  
  


"Exactly, it's tradition. I could have planted flowers on my gundam instead of destroying it, but it wouldn't have meant it was any different than what it was. It's just covering up something else."

  
  


"Does that mean you don't believe in Christmas? What about the tree? Presents?"

  
  


"Christmas is fine if taken at face value for what it is: a time to get together and share with the people you're close to. Santa Claus is a contrived notion, and I'd rather Lauren know that the gifts she gets are from people who know her and like her. It's not going to change what I get her because I love her always, not just if she's been good or bad. Trees are another tradition, and they're what the company there would have once called pagan as well. But tradition wipes all that away and they neutralize it with angels and things. Presents are a fine line. People like to receive things and there gets to be greed and fights over who got the most expensive, or the most number. It's a good learning process that a gift comes from the heart no matter how many or how much. I won't deny her that. It's fine if they want to remember their god, but I wish they'd admit the fact it's not really a day that's important. It's not as if they couldn't do the same thing on any other day. She can believe or not believe in whatever god she chooses, I won't tell her no."

  
  


"You've done your homework." Relena was impressed. "You won't say no... if she wanted to move away and shave her head and..."

  
  


"We'd talk," he said, lips tweaking with the determination of his words. "Very seriously."

  
  


***

  
  


Relena let her head fall back in appreciation of the warmth that the apartment afforded. Lauren was all but bouncing before she got in the car to come home, but after her nap on the ride home, her eyes were still drooping.

  
  


"Let's go change," Relena suggested, "so we can go to bed and Christmas will come faster."

  
  


The girl put up surprisingly little fuss, with Relena set to follow her so they could both change, and then exchange positions with Heero so he could tell Lauren goodnight.

  
  


Heero caught Relena's arm before she was able to follow.

  
  


"There are still... things for Lauren to be set up. I was wondering if I could enlist your help again."

  
  


"A little earlier this time, huh?" 

  
  


He merely tilted his head in answer. 

  
  


She smiled, "I'd be glad to. I should be there soon."

  
  


Soon, it seemed, was sooner than he imagined when he had told Lauren goodnight. If he had been prone to it, he might have thought of blushing, but you wouldn't have heard it from him. It was not self-consciousness, but the appearance of impropriety that worried him. When he had dashed off to shower he had not expected her to beat him to his room. It made him very glad that he was of the habit of dressing before he returned to his room. The Relena who stared up at him in a state of surprise seemed to think so too. He let the towel he had draped over his head fall around his shoulders. 

  
  


"I came too early," she said, somewhat apologetically. 

  
  


"Don't worry about it," he said, shrugging, causing his half buttoned shirt to gape before he hastily shoved buttons into holes. 

  
  


Relena's mind was not telling her she had been too early. She was fighting dearly with herself to use some of that diplomatic training and stay calm. His hair was soggily wet, falling like it was tickling his nose, certainly it was tickling his collar.

  
  


As if noting her gaze his fingers slid into his hair, and he mumbled what sounded vaguely like "It needs a trim." She smiled, not out of agreement, since the more hair he had the more there was to run her fingers through, but because most people who saw him were of the impression that he needed a trim, possibly several. 

  
  


She had seen him in suits, uniforms, and all manners of non-formal clothing. Yet, as with each and every time she saw him in a different way, she was certain he had never looked so attractive: this time with wet hair and bare feet. He pulled out the rest of the boxes and dropped next to her on the floor. The wave of wet skin and soap smell about wiped her out her right there. He had already handed her the directions and she held it with numb hands. It was so very difficult to keep her mind on the parts in front of her. 

  
  


The Preventers, out of deep respect for Heero, and an initial donation and hint from the ever subtle Quatre, had pitched in to give Lauren a true mansion for her dolls. It would occupy an entire corner of her room when completed. The parts were laid out, the main parts assembled, only in need of slotting together, and the furniture to be placed inside. It was sturdy, and very well built; its patron had seen to that. 

  
  


Heero wanted it set out at the last possible moment, however, in case a pair of wandering eyes should come peeking out during the night. Goodness only knew the amount of delighted whooping would wake the house from blissful slumber, unless the sneaky kid giggled behind her hand before acting all surprised in the morning. He wanted none of that. Genuine, all encompassing surprise, a surprise that would light up her face like the angel she so loved on top of the Christmas tree. 

  
  


They worked quickly, nearly silent, each lost in their own thoughts, preoccupied by the other's presence, and all too aware of the attraction and feelings that were festering with their proximity. Their fingers brushed and the shock she felt that even yet echoed through her system made her want to grab his hand and feel it again. 

  
  


"Will you be all right setting everything out by yourself?" she asked as they draped cloths, an extra measure of security, over the house.

  
  


"Since the spots are all laid out it should be fine. It'll be too risky for me to get you to come and help."

  
  


She chuckled. "I wouldn't be exactly conscious to help anyway." 

  
  


"The day after tomorrow you'll be able go to bed and sleep in as long as you like." There was little, if any, bitterness in his statement. "I don't know that I've ever really thanked you for doing this. It means so much to her to have you here."

  
  


This time she did take his hand, finding the initial thrill, but after it coming a warm glow that was unlike any she had experienced before.

  
  


"It means more than you can imagine to me to be here. I'm just glad I had the privilege." She paused, continuing softly. "Thank you for going with me tonight."

  
  


"She had fun," he said simply. 

  
  


Her fingers tightened on his, trying to think of the right way to ask what she needed to.

  
  


"I'm so glad she had fun, that she had the courage to ask me to come. But Heero... what about you?"

  
  


He lifted an eyebrow at her.

  
  


"You think I'd let her steamroll me into something I didn't want?"

  
  


"She does occasionally."

  
  


"Nothing on this level."

  
  


It took more awkward shifting than he imagined to pull her comfortably onto his lap. She followed his tugging obediently, eyes wide as he stared at her so thoughtfully. His lips found her neck seconds later, and her head tilted of its own volition to give him the best access possible to her sensitive skin. He had the ability to set her on fire with practically a touch, and in the next second fill her with a glow that was far from sexual, but firmly entrenched in the love so carefully housed within her. She realized suddenly that she had been a passive participant for the most part. He had been the initiating force every time, and it was a source of amusement for her to think of herself initiating a kiss, but again it wasn't. She wanted this as much as he did, and certainly she hadn't gone around kissing the man when he had shown no sign of interest, but this was entirely different. He was all but sinking his teeth into her neck, lapping at her like a cat with a bowl of milk, and making her pondering seem like wandering through shoppers at a clearance isle... frustrating but productive. 

  
  


He seemed to notice her retreat, pulling back to stare at her questioningly. His lips were wet, eyes dark, and she felt a thrill of need that she had never been privileged to before. 

  
  


"What's wrong?" he asked. 

  
  


"Nothing's wrong. I just... You had never kissed me before yesterday, Heero. And the only time I ever hugged you, truly, was when you were unconscious, dancing not included. I just wanted to..."

  
  


He looked as if he were about to retreat, as if her words were telling him that this wasn't what she wanted. That was in fact the opposite of what she was trying to say. Biting her lip once, she knew it was her turn to act. It wasn't quite as sure as he had been, but it became so in seconds as she snagged an arm around his neck to move closer. 

  
  


"Nothing's wrong," she murmured again against his lips. She kissed him again, nuzzling the side of his mouth. His lips curved as their noses brushed. "I guess it's just that this was the last thing I expected when I agreed to come."

  
  


"How bad is that?" Heero asked seriously, his eyes sober and steady on hers. She wanted to kiss away his doubt. It was a good idea in theory, but seeing as she was literally hanging off of his neck it was near to impossible to get the upper hand. As she tried moving up, he was forced down, trying to accommodate her movements. After a few seconds of this it occurred to her that her solution was there. She moved up, he moved down: compromise. She opened herself to his questing mouth, fighting back, initiating the give and take. She was so concentrated, so deep within the sensations that she barely noticed that she was being lifted and laid back on a surface much softer than the floor. 

  
  


"That bad is it?" he whispered into her ear, making her shiver in delight. 

  
  


"Oh yeah," she whispered back, her hand snaking into the hair that had dried over his forehead. There was one lock of hair that had dried in an almost perfect ringlet and it amused her. "This is cute," she said with a little laugh.

  
  


"That's why I brush it out."

  
  


"You'd drive all the women wilder if you didn't."

  
  


"I don't care about them." 

  
  


Her eyes widened, gasping as he nipped her earlobe. If he didn't care about them... did that mean that he cared about her?

  
  


"You know... I've never been in a man's bed before."

  
  


He half smiled a crooked smile at her, his fingers stealing beneath her shirt.

  
  


"If it makes you feel better you're not actually in it. Only on it." 

  
  


"You know what I mean," she giggled against his lips. 

  
  


Her skin trembled beneath his fingers even as she arched up to meet him. Her stomach was so soft, so warm. His thumb dipped into her belly button, making a firmer line around it, just short of tickling her but still her stomach shook with it. 

  
  


His hands slid upward, lingering over each rib that he encountered. She was absolutely frozen in the wake of his touch. He was balanced on his knees, one of them tucked between her legs, while his mouth did things to hers that was driving her to distraction. 

  
  


He felt like he could feel every rib under her skin. She was so thin, so fragile underneath of him. If his weight shifted and he moved onto her he felt like he would crush her, but still his body ached to feel her against him. 

  
  


His touch was light, just short of ticklish, and it moved across her skin with inerrant grace. Her heart raced, feeling like she were falling with the sensations. Her breath came so shallowly, and he was not even kissing her. His eyes were closed, hands moving across her ribs as though he was blind and trying to see.

  
  


Some deep part of her questioned the intelligence of this. She was alone in a man's bedroom, on his bed, with him nearly literally on top of her, and his hands against her skin. They had done nothing that could be termed extremely inappropriate as yet, but this was not for lack of want on her part. He virtually knelt between her thighs, her legs parted in innocent invitation. 

  
  


He began to withdraw, questions plaguing him about how right this was. Seduction had not been in his plans tonight, and he knew they had not been in hers as well. But no matter what, with every sound that she made she was seducing him as well. She stopped him, startled him, before he could fully retreat. 

  
  


"Do you want this Heero? Is this..." she trailed off. 

  
  


"I want you," he admitted. "But I don't know if now is right."

  
  


She looked at him with curiously sober eyes. "Do you think less of me because I let you touch me? Will you think less of me if I said I didn't want you to stop?"

  
  


Their eyes locked, blue against blue, desire matching desire, lust for lust, and yet some deeper driving emotion was hidden. With her heart in her throat she laid her hand very lightly on his, leading him forward. She was enjoying it as much as he was. There was a connection between them that somehow negated some of his guilt, and yet... He pulled back once more.

  
  


"I feel like I... It seems to so many that you should be purer somehow."

  
  


She laughed, her mind racing to catch up from the side trip it had taken. "Politicians don't get that distinction. They're expected to be horrendous people whom no one can trust."

  
  


"The people trust you." His weight had shifted back to his knees, fingers still tracing her skin.

  
  


"That's because I've all but divvied up my internal organs for them," she pointed out dryly.

  
  


He blinked at her.

  
  


Relena tamped down the urge to roll her eyes, and couldn't resist her next comment. "I'm sure they'd share yours. Blood of the great ones and all."

  
  


"I'd share with you."

  
  


"It's a comforting thought, but really only works if we're the same blood type."

  
  


"You never know," His hands clenched. "You're too thin."

  
  


"What?" It took a second to sink in.

  
  


"You're thin, you feel thin."

  
  


"I eat, I assure you," she said, humor making her voice tremble. "I'm within the correct range. That's perhaps one of the nicest things a man can tell a woman."

  
  


"Why?" He was genuinely curious, it wasn't as if he had a large chance to study human relationships.

  
  


"Because excess weight isn't healthy for one thing. Plus it does a body good to know that she doesn't appear fat to the world. Or like a tree."

  
  


She had shifted as she talked, getting more comfortable, and his now still hands were all but leaping to finish what they had started.

  
  


"I didn't mean that..." How many times could he assure her of that? "No one could accuse you of being fat."

  
  


"You either."

  
  


"We were trained to regulate our weight, and I'm where I should be for my height and body structure. The culture's high fat cuisine make it hard to stay so."

  
  


"You're telling me."

  
  


The hand that the had rested on his chest slid down to his stomach, feeling the muscles, and smiling at the thought of him with a bit of a belly.

  
  


"Why are we talking?" he whispered against her chin.

  
  


"Because you weren't sure."

  
  


"What was I thinking?"

  
  


"Very sweet thoughts."

  
  


"I won't let this go too far, Relena, but tell me if I do something wrong. I don't know all that I should regarding..."

  
  


"It's ok, Heero. I don't either. We'll... learn together."

  
  


He had merely to breath. It was certainly something he had utilized in the past, so it was ironically odd for him to gasp as he forgot entirely a function that was always described as natural.

  
  


He was so serious, she thought in wonder. It was almost as if she were some delicate piece of electronics, demanding the utmost care and gentleness. She could have laughed then as she realized she had become so ingrained that she had just compared herself to some metal and plastic.

  
  


"That tickles?" he asked suddenly.

  
  


She blinked at him. "No," she whispered, pulling his face her hers. "Not at all."

  
  


There was no thought now, only movement and feeling, joining ache and heat. She loved this man, and the words almost left her more times that she could count. Even as he gently kissed her again, settling her shirt back where it had been, and tucking her close to him, she longed to tell him. 

  
  


Her shoulders were snug to his chest with his arm holding her to him, his hand curved over the flesh of her waist. She felt right with him here, his arms fit around her so perfectly as though she belonged to him. Her trust in him was amazing to him. She was an adult, capable of telling him no, but what he knew of his strength and of her made him appreciate it more.

  
  


"You know," he said into her hair. "Not many men get a woman on his bed like this without getting her in it."

  
  


"So you're one of the few?"

  
  


"Sure."

  
  


"How do you know that?"

  
  


"I watch tv," he qualified. "I see things."

  
  


She turned her head to get closer to him.

  
  


"What else do you watch on tv?"

  
  


"World events... baseball every so often."

  
  


"Sports." Laughter tickled her, and she twisted the rest of the way in his arms to face him, her hair falling to cover her shoulder. "You watch baseball."

  
  


His eyebrows rose as she beamed at him. He was faintly baffled at her reaction. Her lips touched his so softly, such a sweet touch, that he was burned by her amazement. The ache he had tamped down began to flare again and his arms tightened around her as he fought to control it.

  
  


"You have overcome so much," she said, and he was horrified to see tears in her eyes. "You have a job and a little girl, and you watch baseball. Sports... like most every other man. You've won."

  
  


He closed his eyes as she snuggled into him and began to drift off. He kissed her forehead softly. 

  
  


"I know." For now.

  
  


***


	7. Gift of the heart

As she stirred an hour later, unaccustomed to someone holding her in sleep, she felt him move as well. 

"Sorry," she whispered. "I didn''t mean to wake you up." 

"It''s ok. Is something wrong?"

"I can''t stay here... I should go back to Lauren''s room. She might wake up."

"OK. That''s a good idea..." He began to sit up, but she stopped him.

"It''s all right. I can find my way back."

His lips curved, nuzzling close her hers before she could go. She could not stop her hands from cupping his face as she sat beside him. It seemed like so many dreams that were dear to her were centered on just this face. Just a moment, she promised herself as he pulled her closer, just a little taste... A breathless minute later she knew she had gone beyond that "moment." 

"Now I really should go," she said apologetically, her eyes steady on his, knowing.

He lightly squeezed one of the hands he had covered with his own. 

"I''ll see you in the morning."

"Bright and early," she added, amused. Her hand slipped from his and with a tiny wave she disappeared back into the hall. He let his head drop back onto the pillow, then for good measure slammed it back twice more. It had only been a kiss.

*

In her pajamas, and in her own bed, she found herself caught up in thought. She did not feel that she was an overly modest person. Her body was familiar to her, after all twenty years would to that to someone. She had once been so self conscious that tight shirts or light colored ones were taboo because they might show off the evidence of her blooming body. It had worn off after a while, when she had mentally come to terms with the fact that every teenage girl was going through the same thing, and that it wasn''t as if anyone was under the impression that she as a female wasn''t one day going to become a woman anyway. All that worry for absolutely nothing. It had been perhaps the last thing she worried about in the past few years, even going so far as to take enjoyment in her figure. She was comfortable with her looks, not finding herself entirely unattractive but being understandably insecure at times. Even so she couldn''t help wondering what he thought, and found herself glaring at her reflection when passing windows and passing before mirrors. 

It was a privilege to feel confidant in one''s self and it was an ingrained battle to be thankful and not move into rocky ground with excessive pride. It was, after all, due to genetics, unlike an accomplishment. Sometimes when he looked at her as he had tonight she felt not merely pretty, but beautiful. In those moments she didn''t care what anyone else might have or may not have thought about her appearance. She felt beautiful for no one but him. It was not physical beauty, rather the glow of knowing that he approved, that she was somehow pleasing in his eyes. She might not go so far as to wear sackcloth for him, but if it were private, if he would look at her just once more like that... 

Words were her entire life. Nations rose and fell on words, and she had versed herself in the most tactful, honest, true to character words that she possibly could. Yet sometimes she was glad Heero often felt no such need. He was straight with her when he spoke, but it fell to his actions and expressions to tell her undoubtedly what he was feeling, just as it did with every other human.

It was a learning experience for her to be here with him, in more ways than one. She was staying with a man in the most basic way, but even though he was intrinsically neat, he cluttered so that she was compulsively driven to pick up and straighten in a way that made her step back and acknowledge the borderline domesticity of it all. 

In a different way she learned of him as a person. She learned that he hated wearing socks if her wore no shoes, even though it was the dead of winter and there were tiles that vaguely resembled ice cubes. He liked keeping his own bathroom and was oddly private about it, which made her cautiously curious about what sort of disaster area he had created for himself. She also got a deeper peek at how Heero was otherwise. He ate peas, though he didn''t like them, because they were good for Lauren and *she* liked them. He read to Lauren from books that were classified solely for young girls. He alphabetized the refrigerator, but filed his personal records in whatever order best suited him at the second. She had found, in her time there, that he used the most heavenly shampoo that she had ever smelled.

There seemed to be a multitude of things she knew, and scores more that she didn''t. She wanted to, though, wanted to almost more than she wanted to be close to him like tonight. There was no real way to compare the two... she wanted each differently. Sitting on the urge to giggle, she willed herself to sleep.

***

The hand pushing against her shoulder was a minor annoyance. The blankets around her seemed to almost glow with heat, that comfort pulling her back into sleep. The hand, however, was insistent.

"Wha?" she asked before slitting her eyes open. Full consciousness came to her quickly as a pair of tearful green eyes came into focus. "Lauren? What''s wrong?"

Her lips trembled. "I dreamed that Heero had to go away," she whimpered. "I''m too scared to go and see."

"Oh, sweetheart..." The girl was on the bed and in Relena''s arms as soon as she''d opened them. The blanket was tucked around their legs, warming them as they rocked together. The girl was cold, having probably tossed her covers in the dreaming. What could Relena tell her to calm her heart? She could say that Heero never wanted to leave her, but had the girl''s mother *wanted* to leave her by dying?

"He never wants to leave you," she settled on finally. "Let''s go see him, ok?"

"K."

They tiptoed their way out, the girl clutching Relena''s hand as if she would run away. Heero''s door stood half open, ever watchful as always. Lauren visibly relaxed as Heero came into view. He had been dreaming as well, it seemed. He was sprawled face down, his head having left the pillow in favor of his arm holding it to his side, with his opposite hand splayed against the sheet by his head. His ankle was slowly inching its way off of the bed, the apparent movement of his legs causing his blankets to twist around and not cover half of him. A nice slice of skin was exposed below his shirt, she acknowledged with a half niggling thought. Motioning for Lauren to stay, she moved quietly into the room and eased the blankets out from around Heero to bring them back up over him. She knew somehow that if she touched him with anything but the blankets he would wake, so she stopped herself from smoothing his hair back from his face. 

Thank goodness they had covered the gifts before... distracting themselves. She had the good grace to blush, taking Lauren''s hand and standing so that they might watch the sleeping man a little longer. It was Lauren, in the end, that had to tear her away but the girl didn''t seem to notice since she was feeling comforted. She stopped as they entered back into ''their'' room, and looked up at Relena.

"Would it be ok if I slept in your bed tonight?" The prospect of sleeping the rest of the night in the bag on the floor was less than attractive right now. 

Relena smiled, letting her hand run over the girl''s hair. "Of course."

Relena let Lauren crawl in first, for several reasons among them being if Heero actually tried to get her help she''d be easily accessed. Another smile crossed her face as she thought of Heero, asleep and spread over that pillow, knowing that she was entirely lost. Lauren was curled beside her, and Christmas morning was steadily approaching... it was time for sleep.

***

Christmas morning dawned in a very literal manner. The sun in Relena''s eyes woke her before the slumbering child had a chance to. Sun... on Christmas? That *was* unusual. But the clouds in the not-so-distant distance promised the snow that had been forecast. She tiptoed out, finding the Christmas tree already lit and twinkling. The brand new bike with the big red bow stood sparkling in the light of the sun and the tree lights. Nestled around it was a veritable zoo of stuffed animals; all contributed by Heero's fellow pilots, and assorted people who had met Lauren and were rooting for their happiness.

She closed her eyes in bliss as the aromas of coffee and cinnamon rolls delighted her nose. She was about to float into the kitchen when an arm snaked around her waist. Her body tensed out of instinct as she was pulled back, but relaxed as the scent of familiar aftershave told her just exactly who was cradling her against their chest. 

"Morning," she murmured, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. 

His face was buried in her neck, softly kissing her there for his greeting. Her eyes closed, trying to memorize every detail. It was like a surreal dream. Every time he touched her it kept getting more bizarre. He held her now so intimately, like she was a lover, a giant leap that this flirtation was only nibbling at, and it was even more so intimate when she thought of the child in the next room who would be waking up soon and coming out to celebrate the holiday with them... as if Relena were a part of their family. She had days to live in this dream, days that would end sometime around noon tomorrow. It wasn''t as if they had set a time limit but she knew she didn''t want to overstay her welcome. But how she wanted to, and how she longed to stay here in Heero''s arms. It was as if with Christmas over, the magic would fade. She was Cinderella, waiting for the clock to strike midnight and the fantasy to be over. 

"How''d you sleep?" he asked softly.

"All right. You?"

His hand tightened on her hip. "I''ve probably slept better."

It was impossible to miss his implications. Being with him like this seemed to leave her in a state of constant breathlessness. He seemed about to say something, but instead he sighed.

"Lauren will be up soon. All the cameras are up and running."

Relena''s eyes flew open and she stared at the tree. She had forgotten about that entirely. No one wanted to miss Lauren''s reaction to their gift and so several camera''s had been donated, recording from several angles so nothing would be missed. And undoubtedly capturing their embrace right now. Her face colored of its own volition and he laughed. When she turned, about to be indignant, he kissed her, his eyes twinkling.

"I forgot about it until just then, too."

She couldn''t be upset with that face. 

"She''s coming out," he whispered, letting them part and step forward. 

The child''s eyes seemed to grow and grow as she stepped out. Her eyes darted from the waiting presents to Heero as if asking if it was really all for her. At his answering smile she literally flew to the tree.

Front and center was the bike, gleaming in the twinkling lights. To the very far side was the doll house, but it was what surrounded the bike that was the true showcase of the day. It was a menagerie of animals from those who wanted to give. Stuffed animals to keep her company.

First in line was a lounging lion, Trowa''s gift, laying next to a large, whimsical, purple elephant: Duo''s choice. A journal, also from Trowa, hung off of the elephant''s trunk. Quatre''s gift, on the other side of the bike, was a large cream teddy bear complete with red bow and jingling bell. Two koalas, mother and baby, were from Wufei and Sally, and they were the last of the plushes. Relena''s gift, a tall wooden horse set up to rock realistically on its base and carriers, could also be locked down or taken off for stationary display. It was obviously a young girl''s horse, not a child''s toy. The bridle and saddle in a fancy true to life style, were emphasized by the flow-y princess hat that perched on the horse''s rump. Lauren seemed not to know quite where to start. She wandered down the front of the toys, trailing her fingers over each one.

Half an hour later, while Relena and Lauren shared a cinnamon roll, Heero had moved most of the heavy objects into Lauren''s room. Relena had been warned to watch out for wandering stuffed animals during the night, and this while he was wedging Duo''s elephant into a corner with Quatre''s bear. The room was... full, to put it mildly, with an area to walk around to get at things. The empty space was half filled now with her sleeping bag. Small size limits were going to be imposed for her birthday, he had decided, unless he found them a larger space. The rest of the presents under the tree beckoned to them.

As they sat on the couch with the small pile of presents in front of them, Relena got the feeling that if she took her time to open the present in her lap the girl would do it for her. The box under the dancing Christmas trees was a typical box one would get at a clothing store, and her eyebrows rose as curiosity bit her again. Surely they hadn''t gotten her clothes? It took all she had not to look up to question Heero with her eyes, even if she knew all she would find was encouragement to go on.

An edge of cloth that stopped just short of frilly spilled out of the box. The motto that had been emblazoned on Heero''s apron grinned up at her. Now it had been too long that she had been silent.

"We didn''t know what to get you... So now we have matching dresses... and you and Heero have matching aprons."

"His and hers," Heero agreed. "A souvenir if nothing more."

"Thank you," Relena said, hugging the girl quite awkwardly with one arm due to their positions. She didn''t feel quite safe touching Heero right then. She would be blushing if given the opportunity, thinking about what might be meant by "his and hers" aprons. And then again, it could be nothing at all. He had made sure, it seemed, to qualify the statement with making it a souvenir. A souvenir of what though? Of Lauren''s first Christmas? Of her brief time to stay with them? Nothing about it was clear. When would all of it start to make sense?

"That was from us, and this," he pulled a smaller, calmer, poinsettia wrapped package, from between he and Lauren, handing it to her, "is from me."

Her eyes widened for two reasons. One, she never expected a further gift from him, and two, that note of possessiveness in his voice... he wanted it to be clear that this present was from him and him alone. The outside paper came off easily, exposing a flat, slightly elongated velvet box. Her brows furrowed in concentration. Certainly he couldn''t be giving her *more* jewelry. Her lips parted as a soft intake of breath marked her surprise. 

A locket. The gold of the heart was soft, age worn, darkened in places that gave the look of dark brass. It had the character of something very old, the character something new could only strive to achieve. She could barely bring herself to touch it, the fine scroll work looking delicate, and yet standing out in relief as if it had been made yesterday. Her thumb found the catch easily. Was it rational to be apprehensive of what lay inside? It could very well be empty, a blank present for her to fill with what she deemed important. Yet even as she felt Heero''s eyes on her, she knew there was something special to this gift, something that went far beyond its age, far beyond the gold of it''s shell. Pictures, a lock of hair, the memories of traditional locket treasures flashed through her mind, as the hinge eased open.

Heero found he had little trouble keeping his eyes away from her present and centering on her. Her hair on the side facing him was tucked behind her ear, exposing the soft curve, and falling down over her shoulders. The tiny pearl studs at her ears picked up the vibrant coloring of her reddish sweater, looking very bright against her skin. Skin that he wanted to touch. Even Lauren didn''t know what this present was. He had thought of it only the day before, and had been graced with the good luck and knowledge to get it done so quickly. You could read many things into it, but he couldn''t think about that now. Today was not the day for questioning, that could all come tomorrow.

The inside of the locket shone, but not from any effects given by the gold. It was instead a painting, a blue ocean that looked as if it would be rough to the touch, surrounding the tiny continents so clearly recognizable. Even the north and south poles were there, done in white. It was the world in a locket, the world in a heart. 

Did he... could he... How was it that he had once again found a gift that puzzled her with its possible meanings? 

"It''s beautiful," she murmured. "Heero..." she paused and gave up on questions. "Thank you... so much."

"It was yours to begin with," he said with a half smile.

Again she was puzzled. The world had been hers, or the heart? Her heart... or his? 

Lauren ended her thinking by handing Heero the gift she had begged Relena to get for Lauren''s special gift to him. She had reservations about it, but the little girl had been insistent. It symbolized Lauren''s feelings, and she held her breath to see Heero''s reaction to it.

He opened the package with little finesse, the box lid being flipped aside haphazardly. His brow furrowed as he read the words printed on the blue shirt. "Because I''m the Daddy, That''s Why." Lauren was turned away from her, but Relena could almost imagine the look of anticipation on her face. Her nails dug even deeper into the couch as Heero with a vulnerable, open look to the girl; as if a word from her could crush him. 

"I never had a daddy. I don''t want to leave, Heero! Please, would you... would you be *my* daddy?"

It took only one arm to scoop the child off the couch and into his chest.

"As long as you want me to be," he said into her shoulder. "And even longer than that."

From her place against Heero, Lauren looked to Relena and held out her hand. Once Relena had taken the girl''s hand in hers Lauren''s smiled widened.

"I have a daddy, now."

Relena wasn''t sure she could have gotten words out right then, so she merely squeezed Lauren''s fingers. The moment passed for Lauren quickly, and she was ready to move onto the last present. It made Relena feel slightly foolish; her gift seemed like so little now, comparatively. As Lauren slid back to her place on the couch, Heero seemed to spend several moments looking away fiercely before finally looking back towards them. He considered the box he had been handed if it were a bomb bound to go off at any second. He looked somewhat scared of it, and rightfully so due to the emotional impact of the previous present.

"Heero," Relena said gently. "It won''t bite."

The paper came off exposing a thick, oblong box. Nestled inside was a watch, not prissy or ostentatious, but containing just enough class to make it fine. He picked it up, examining it, and stopped as he saw the inscription on the back: "A time for peace" it read. He looked to her then, and she smiled. 

"It seemed appropriate. Besides, the one you''re wearing is about to walk off your arm in protest of long life."

He could admit that one. It was as battered and scarred now as he was. The new one was comfortable and right. Her gift was personable... and functional as well. 

"Thank you."

She would have gracefully accepted his thanks, and added some more, except that he suddenly turned shy. His new mission in life: set up Lauren''s toys. And because it was fun, and right, it became her mission, too.

***


	8. When the Clock Strikes 12

***

Heero was not expecting a knock on his door on Christmas afternoon. It took him a few seconds to guess that it was Duo, insatiably curious about how Christmas went with Heero''s two "women" and come to call. It was his turn to blink, however, as he was not met with a pair of laughing blue violet eyes, but instead a pair of cool blue ones. 

"Zechs," Heero said moderately, he figured.

"Heero," the owner of the eyes replied. 

The two probably would have stood there longer had it not been for the woman behind Zechs pushing him forward. She was cold, damn it.

"Hi, Heero. We''re sorry to interrupt you." Noin smiled at them both. "Look at you two, all grown up and in the same air space... even calling each other by the first name! How proud I am." 

She would have pinched Zechs'' cheek if he hadn''t had a warning look in his eye. It wasn''t best to push them anyway.

"We are on our way out right now, and were going to stop at my sister''s house to say hi before we left but we learned she wasn''t there... hadn''t been there for several days."

If there ever were a blatant question and threat posed by expression and words, that would have to be it. Heero and Zechs eyed each other for a moment before Lauren, with perfect timing, appeared at Heero''s elbow to interrupt their visual interrogation.

Zechs and Noin had not heard the news, he surmised, seeing the surprise on their faces. Well, he smirked, how fun.

"This is my daughter, Lauren. Lauren, this is Zechs and Noin."

The girl regarded them cautiously. "Are you in a relationship? With kissing?"

Heero gaped at her. "Why are you so obsessed with that? You shouldn''t ask people you don''t know that. It''s rude."

The couple near them didn''t consider it rude. Noin was fighting back tears of concealed laughter and Zechs was still processing the word "daughter" and its implications.

"She''s..."

Lauren was predictably on the ball.

"I''m not his blood daughter, but I grabbed him and wouldn''t let go. Right, Daddy?"

Heero, looking slightly bemused, accepted the hug that the jumping girl was determined to give him. 

"Does Relena know she has company?"

"No."

"Because?"

"We were putting stuff together. She didn''t..."

"Tell me later." With Lauren still hanging around his neck he turned and called her name, leaving him and the other two adults in the room positively stunned at how domestic just one sound was.

They heard quiet muttering before she made clear she was making her way out. Heero swept past the two to lead them to the living room of sorts, picking up pieces of wrapping paper as he went, mumbling something under his breath about not being clean.

The picture Relena saw when she entered was beyond her imagination. Noin looked terribly amused, Zechs was shellshocked, Heero held a great fistful of pom-pom like wrapping paper, and Lauren was hanging on to the waistband of his pants not really understanding, for once, the emotions drifting around between the people of the room.

"Zechs, Noin!" her face lit with pleasure. Hugging Noin first, since she was closer, and then moving to her brother who hugged her close in a way that spoke of his affection and loyalty to her. There were no words that she had to express how grateful she was for it. 

"Have a seat," Heero offered, his miniature shadow trailing after him to pull herself onto his lap as he sat down. 

Relena sat as well, before some ingrained thought had her straightening and standing. 

"Can I get you something to drink?" 

There was quiet consideration happening as her brain fully processed where she was and that they were not technically her guests. She had become entirely too comfortable in this home for her own good. Heero merely shrugged dismissively as she looked at him rather sheepishly. 

"That sounds wonderful," Noin said, "I''ll go with you."

Relena was steered to the kitchen by her curiosity ridden sister in law. 

"So?" Noin whispered, ever polite even if it was a demand.

Relena shook her head, moving easily through the kitchen. "I don''t know where to begin."

"You could start with why you look so goofy happy."

"He kissed me," Relena confessed as she set out mugs. "Several times."

"Is this what...?"

"I really don''t know if this is what I was waiting for, or if it''s what he was looking for. I''m trying to keep myself objective, but it''s harder than I thought."

"Oh, how well I know it. Just enjoy your time here, and don''t worry about your brother. He''s not going to throw a fit, and to throw out a trite phrase, he just wants you happy."

"Same goes for me to him."

"Say that again when you''re called upon to babysit his terrors of the seven seas."

Relena giggled, not pointing out those terrors would be half Noin''s.

***

If Zechs noticed the fact that Heero actively kept Lauren from following the two women he made no note of it.

"So..." Zechs began in a leading manner.

"So," Heero replied, curtly. 

Lauren peered between the two. "Soooo...?"

"I see you've got a good little chaperone there," Zechs said, again rather leadingly, daring Heero to refute his statement.

"They only kiss in the kitchen," Lauren replied, beaming about their kitchen routine. Heero, at her words, sunk a subtle inch lower into the couch.

Zechs considered that, his eyebrow raising slightly in question of the literalness of the girl''s statement. The tension was broken somewhat as Relena and Noin reappeared with the drinks. Relena made sure to hand Lauren''s hers first. It was just right, she assured Lauren, to make certain Heero wouldn''t worry. Suitably back in control Zechs turned his attention to his little sister: for the truth.

"Kissing in the kitchen?" 

Relena''s eyes fixed on Heero who was looking at nothing in particular but sitting as if he''d break if he moved.

She explained briefly about Heero and Lauren's tradition, making it seem completely innocent, and Zechs was slightly mollified. She could not keep back the near silent chuckle into her drink when she was finished.

Lauren''s mouth opened to comment further, but Heero, seeing the look on her face, gently hoisted her off the couch and sent her towards her room, hinting strongly that she had toys to attend.

Once Lauren was occupied enough to allow Zechs and Noin to leave without further incident the rest of the day was quite unusual. The snow had fallen all day, until at last Lauren could hold them back no longer. Relena had indeed caught Heero to put snow down his neck, but he had retaliated in kind which ended up in a full blown snowball war. It seemed as if time would not stand still for them, and the day was already at bedtime for Lauren. 

"Will you put the dress back on?" he asked softly, catching her before she followed Lauren down the hall. 

Her eyes widened, but she nodded, moving away from him and making contorted faces as she mouthed incredulous statements to herself. After Lauren had been tucked into her sleeping bag, Heero came to tell Lauren goodnight, never noticing what Relena had put on to keep her arms warm until he saw her in the living room. He couldn''t help but let a grin cross his face.

"Cotton and velvet, that is certainly quite the combination."

She shook her head. 

"Just making sure I was warm enough. What exactly are you wanting?"

He paused at his place by the radio, sending her inquisitive look before turning up the Christmas music that had been playing in the background all day. He was almost hesitant as he approached her, standing and waiting as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head, careful of her hastily pinned hair. The emerald choker had been replaced by the locket. It had not been as expensive, but as his thumb edged the curving lines he was sure nothing had been more fitting. She stood there looking so complacent as he touched her. It was such a gentle look that he had a hard time remembering why he was standing with her.

He pursed his lips, extending his hand to her. She laid her hand in his, but looked at him quizzically. 

"I thought last night that the dress was suited to dancing. Will you dance with me?"

"Of course," she said softly. She stepped up to him, her opposite hand finding his shoulder with practiced ease. It was easy, the steps required no thought at all, leaving her free to look at him, to wonder of him.

The music turned from the lazily beautiful music into the higher tempo "Jingle Bell Rock." She wasn''t sure just what she was to do for a bit, noting that Heero had stopped as well, but suddenly he started backing up, pulling her along. Instinctively following his cue for a spin she walked under his arm, finding he had switched hands on her and came to her back, instead of facing her. She was mystified as slid one arm around her, letting the other rest on her hip, until he began to sway sharply back and forth in time with the music. With every beat they moved, a few steps forward, one step back, then walking them entirely backwards, Heero guiding her movements even as she tried desperately not to laugh. It was possibly the most bizarre dance she''d ever participated in, and dancing with Heero, having him... groove for lack of a better word, to the song was pulling her to the limits. Suddenly the warmth of Heero''s chest was gone and she found herself falling, but not freely, as Heero had suddenly spun her around and sent her into the deepest dip she''d ever been put into. She was lifted back up absolutely beyond the ability to keep herself from laughing. She tried to muffle her laugher her in his neck but gave up, letting the anchor of her arms allow her to lean back for her eyes to laugh up at him. He looked amused as well, but the look fled and she gasped leaning back into his hand as it slid up her neck, fingers sinking deep into her hair, baring her throat to him as the song ended. The music was now barely registering, her senses picking up one thing and one thing only: the warm breath on the side of her neck.

They were barely moving now, swaying gently, locked together. His hand in her hair had pulled out the hastily placed pins, causing her hair to fall, wild and curled where the pins still clung. His right hand slid from the skin bared by the upper portion of her dress, down the slope of her back, flirting briefly with the curving flesh below. She was so soft, the skin his lips caressed above, covered so elegantly in the soft velvet. Her mouth was open already as he let his face come to rest in front of hers, her lips damp. The previously laughing eyes were huge now, and so infinitely luminous, full of questions and desires. If his shirt was unbuttoned it was likely that their skin would meet, her chest heaving as she tried to breathe. His lips found hers, pleased to feel her pressing back. Her body jerked violently in his arms, as if she had been shocked, as his tongue slipped effortless between her lips, and met her own. ''Was this inevitable?'' He thought. If she had been put within his reach a year, even two, before, would he have moved this far towards her? Was it also inevitable, that now she was here, that they would come together like this? If she stayed longer would it go further? If he pressed it, would she let him? 

Relena sensed that he had lost his focus and let him end the kiss. He stared at her, as if he was trying to read her thoughts. She could have laughed at that. What thoughts? Honestly she couldn''t tell what she was thinking. It was all still so far beyond her comprehension that her sense of understanding might as well have been in another galaxy. She was so lost, and he was so strong, such an anchor, that it was very hard not to lose herself entirely. As she thought, his body had tensed, not a muscle relaxed. Even his hold on her was stiff, whereas only seconds before it had been a warm embrace. His eyes hurt her as he looked down, they were nearly icy.

"We should get some sleep," he said quietly. 

She nodded mystified, her eyes closing as he kissed her hard, a brief fleeting kiss, and then turned and walked off. The distance that he put between them was so very tangible, like a mountain range dividing countries, and just as cold. She hugged herself, feeling the beginnings of dread clutching at her stomach, causing the sick feeling to travel up towards her throat. Was that his response? Was he saying it was over, just like that? Or could she be reading too much into the actions of a man in a situation that was unfamiliar to them both? 

The darkness of the room, and her pillow gave Relena little comfort. She was strong, she told herself, she had to be strong. She was still the same person who had stood her ground under the rumble of the Wing Gundam''s heavy steps, the same person who had faced world leaders who sought her destruction, the same person who had danced with perhaps the most deadly assassin of his time. And yet again she was not the same person. The girl who had stared into the eyes of the boy who intrigued her those years ago had grown up. So had the boy, and so her intrigue and curiosity had bloomed until the love that she felt for just one person was almost painful in its fullness. She had, only this very morning, compared this time with Heero, to that of Cinderella''s time at the ball. If the clock had struck would she flee, as Cinderella had, or would she stay to face this end? If Heero had declared an end for them he would not take any glass slipper to find the remnants of her love. Even without confirmation her heart was beginning to shred his memory. She had felt his body against hers, felt his lips touch hers, experienced more in a matter of hours than she had dreamed ever to hope for in a lifetime. What had his purpose been? Why? She could not cease to ask herself why. And honestly, should she truly be grateful to him for giving her a taste of what they could have and then ripping it away? Was that what he wanted? Did he know? She gripped the sheets in one hand, willing her heart to stay strong, knowing she would not fall apart. Sleep was slow in coming to her, but the hot tears that symbolized her suffering, however, were not.

*

Heero let the door of his room close softly behind him, feeling the frost that had covered his opening heart thicken. What could he have possibly been thinking? What possible future was there in a relationship between he and Relena? Lauren absolutely thought the world of Relena, and he knew this, but he had not stopped to consider her ultimate goals in planning this visit. If she began to think more seriously of Relena as her mother, when Relena was gone for good, and not indulging a child''s wishes, it would be too hard on his little girl. It was why he had pulled from Relena. He had seen the door of the hallway shutting, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Lauren had seen them kissing. It could be the final weight to throw on Lauren''s list of reasons why she should have them both, and if she had begun to formulate ideas he would stop them, and quickly. If Lauren were to be given reason to cry, a real, truly sorrowful cry, he could never forgive himself. And what scared him most was that he might not be able to forgive Relena either.

***

  
  



	9. Lessons

  
  


***

  
  


Relena woke still feeling the aftereffects of her worry session. She shook her head, trying to chase away the doubting feelings. Perhaps they had moved too fast. Maybe Heero needed a little space. Lauren was already up it seemed. She belted her robe before entering the kitchen.

  
  


"Good morning," she said cheerfully. 

  
  


"Relena!" Lauren shouted, leaving Heero's side to give Relena a hug. 

  
  


"Good morning, Heero." The man who had been looking at her as she hugged the girl turned away without a word and Relena felt her heart freeze in her chest. It just couldn't be. 

  
  


"Good morning," he said finally, his voice not cold, but not friendly either. "If you have your things together we can take you home after breakfast."

  
  


"But!" Lauren started, quelled by a look.

  
  


"All right," Relena said softly. "Thank you."

  
  


He nodded in her direction, and she fled.

  
  


***

  
  


Letting her go was perhaps the hardest thing he had ever done. He knew somewhat instinctively that he had hurt her badly, knew that he himself was hurting, but yet the fact that he had "saved" Lauren from any grief was juggling its way through the back of his mind. Had he truly saved her from anything? Could it really be possible that he had over reacted? He ached to be closer to Relena, wanted it as much as he wanted Lauren, but he just couldn't be sure of his situation. Part of his mind reasoned he could try for a relationship in a year or two, when he was more settled with Lauren and they were fully bonded, but somehow he knew that in a couple of years Relena would be so far out of his reach that he couldn't even begin to touch her. She was right here, right now, just now taking out her bags. He could reach for her and kiss her and all that was off between them would be right again. It was impossible. Every time he tried to reach for her he pulled back, and every time he pulled back he was surer that he was doing the correct thing. 

  
  


He took her suitcase to her door for her, pausing as she did before she went inside. He had told her no questions until after, and she had taken that to heart, but somehow he wished that she would ask him now. He wanted her to ask him why he had kissed her in the kitchen, why he had wanted to dance with her, why he had pulled away. The look on her face that implied she was going to ask him a question faded and he knew it was the end. If she didn't ask, he couldn't tell, and it left them in a position that neither wanted to be in. 

  
  


"I'll see you soon," he said, turning halfway, still expecting her to call him back.

  
  


"All right. Thank you for having me, Heero." The words were so soft, he thought, and it amazed him that she meant them. "Goodbye."

  
  


He didn't answer her. Goodbye was final, and it meant an end. He had ended their relationship himself, but there was still an odd bit of hope somewhere that told him that goodbye was the last thing he wanted to say. It ate at him that she had said it. But had she truly meant it as he feared? What could he possible do about it… except wait?

  
  


***

  
  


*The next weeks did not allow her to dwell on Heero. The New Year brought new paperwork, and she was pleased to ring in the New Year by herself. Lauren had called her several days after Christmas to thank her for coming, and to chat excitedly, and a bit nervously, about her new school. It had been pleasant, the girl hopefully suggesting they see each other soon. There had been little for Relena to say but that she hoped their schedules allowed it. It had satisfied Lauren but left Relena feeling slightly anxious. It was not in her power to know Heero's wishes and so she felt as if she were making an excuse for their...misunderstanding.   
  
Duo was the first person she recognized on her first trip to the Preventer building. He had chosen an office near the entrance for the same reason Heero had chosen one to the rear- peple. Duo for the love of them, and Heero for the need to stay away. Duo had a wave and a sympathetic look for her as she passed by. He was not the watchdog and   
one of their most productive workers for nothing.   
  
She had been contemplating seeing Heero for as long as she'd known about the trip. Even now she debated it with herself, but it was clear that if she sought him out she'd want to ask questions and it was likely to downhill from there. It was not the kind of conversation she wanted to have in the middle of a work day. It was best to be patient,   
though her whole stance screamed for confrontation.   
  
As her business was concluded she wanted to run and fast. Every minute she was in the building knowing that Heero was somewhere inside made her jittery. She was not rude to the people she passed, just letting people think she had somewhere to be. She did but the place was home, and the greatest feature there was that Heero was not.   
  
Her heart froze as the man half hidden in front of her turned. Heero stared back at her with a look that was not far from shock, not far from pain, and then entirely closed off. There were no greetings, there needed to be none. The atmosphere between them was not one of dislike, but instead wary, forgiving, accepting what was.

  
  


"How are you?" she asked, the small smile that her lips naturally took not reaching her eyes. If her eyes tried to smile they would weep, and she had been that route already.

  
  


"Fine." He, for a moment, loss the guarded look, and attempted troubled. "You did so much to help this along..."

  
  


A strangled laugh escaped before she could help it, and she held up her hand to stop him from babbling out something that would only hurt them both worse. She had the nerve then, and where she got the strength she didn't know, to meet his eyes and it made them both pause in shock, the heat of it.

  
  


"There hasn't been one thing that I haven't wanted to do. Don't make it sound as though you're in my debt, Heero, because I can't take it right now."

  
  


His answer, if he been able to formulate one, was interrupted by one of the older, founding advisors of the organization who spotted the two.

  
  


"How's the little miss?" he asked Heero after exchanging pleasant hello's. 

  
  


"Doing well," Heero said, his face lighting up as it did when talking about Lauren. "She's enjoying her new school and putting on some weight."

  
  


"Good for her. You planning on giving her a mother and some brothers and sisters soon?"

  
  


The room, holding many people they knew and many whom had worked with Heero for the past few years, ground to a halt. They were... curious. In the first months that Heero had actually worked out of the building, the atmosphere surrounding his arrivals had been somewhere south of tense. The secretaries carried out his requests as though they were life and death in their urgency, and of course they thought that they were, given the rumors running rampant that Heero was as liable to shoot people as he was to give orders. This wore off after a while as they saw that he was just another person and not a raging madman. If he noticed the fact that people actually told him hello, felt brave enough to offer him coffee, didn't hide when he came around, and didn't look at Duo and the others in awe for being brave enough to speak to him, he never showed it. So they didn't expect a raging temper, but what he did or did not answer was of great interest to them all. 

  
  


"That's the plan," the man who had everyone's gaze replied. There was no one fainting or exclaiming, but if there were sets of widened eyes and furtive whispers, he would be the last to know.

  
  


Heero could not look at her now. He had not been avoiding her. In fact he would say he had been almost cheerful for the past week. Almost. Lauren had been successfully entered in school. Everything seemed to be going along normally... except that the question forefront in his mind was "why?" Was it convenience or had he merely gotten cold feet? It wasn't as if she could say his politeness to her was an aberration, because he was polite to most people. But this... this was different.

  
  


She would find the courage some day. That open, curious, look that had ended their conversation had given her the courage to make it outside without breaking. Her hand clenched almost able to feel the warmth of his fingers in hers.

  
  


***

  
  


The office in front of her was not unfamiliar. It was the office of Wufei Chang, and had always been in the recent memory of the building. His working partner, Sally Po, had been given her own office, both of them given respect for their experience and position. They had held up the pretense of two offices for a good long time, until someone noticed that Sally's computer was more often occupied by a displaced secretary, and Wufei's second computer was occupied by Sally. After a while someone, no one was quite sure who though it was suspected to be Duo, attached a post-it note to Wufei's door so the plaque read Po-Chang. This had fallen off after a while and it had become somewhat of a tradition, that the first person to get to the note after it had given up and fallen off got to design the next one. There was a constant flow of doodles and jokes on it, a veritable message board, one that the two occupants of the office, each snug with their own desk and within easy discussion range of each other, didn't mind. 

  
  


Relena smiled to see that the current paper was filled with holly leaves and champagne glasses for the holidays. Some random person had taped some confetti in the middle of the "o" in Po. Wufei's greeting grunt granted her access after her knock. 

  
  


"Hi!" Sally said with a smile. "Long time no see."

  
  


"Hi. It has been a while hasn't it."

  
  


Sally pursed her lips slight, studying the pale politician. She opened her mouth but was beaten to the punch.

  
  


"'Could you go get us some coffee, Wufei'?" Wufei asked himself in a halfway passable imitation of his partner. "'Just take a long time in getting it because there are girly things we need to discuss. Thanks so much!' So long..."

  
  


The two women stared at the now closed door. 

  
  


"He's too perceptive sometimes," Sally remarked wryly. "I'll get him for that girly comment later. What brings you here?"

  
  


"Lady Une has had something things she's wanted to discuss with me, and today is the first free day I've had in a week. I thought I'd stop by and say hello."

  
  


"What's wrong?"

  
  


Relena sighed. "I envy your relationship, Sally. You two are so easy with each other."

  
  


"He might tell you differently. You spent Christmas with Heero, I heard. Doesn't that give some hope?"

  
  


Relena laughed, a sound that echoed harshly, even to her ears. "No, in fact it wiped it out entirely." 

  
  


She went on to tell Sally the finer points of the week. Sally was speechless after Relena had finished. It was then that Wufei returned, handing each woman their desired type of coffee. Sally nodded as he visually asked her permission to return to his desk. 

  
  


"Is there some requirement that the gundam pilots had to be stubborn and hurtful?" Sally asked him.

  
  


"We had to be stubborn if we wanted to get anything done and survive. Hurtful?" he snorted. "Talked to Quatre lately? That's not one of his descriptions. What's Heero done now?"

  
  


No one answered. 

  
  


"Sally wouldn't know this since she hasn't wandered that way, but Heero's been buried in his office for the past week. He stalks past me when he gets here and is off like he's never been before the second his shift is over. He's definitely got something rattling around upstairs."

  
  


"I'm such a fool," Relena whispered.

  
  


Wufei regarded her with shrewd eyes. "Why? Because you love the kid and want to be with your stubborn, hurtful pilot? That doesn't make you a fool, just a wishful thinker."

  
  


"A wishful thinker?" Sally said incredulously. "Are those supposed to be words of encouragement?"

  
  


"You know what I mean." They scowled at each other. 

  
  


"No, I think you're right, Wufei. It was wishful thinking that he would need me, or want me like I did him. There's really no other way to put it."

  
  


"His actions seem to tell a different story," Wufei pointed out.

  
  


"What his actions say is that he is wholly, and completely devoted to his little girl. There is simply no arguing with that. There's no begging or pleading to be had. If that's his decision then I will respect it. Perhaps he wants to bond further with her himself, and that is certainly his right. She is his, and he is certainly his own man." She smiled, albeit slightly tinged with pain. "I won't fall apart. It doesn't change my feelings for either of them, it simply is."

  
  


"You won't fight for it?"

  
  


"If there's one thing that I know of Heero it's that he must make up his own mind. We have fought for so much, have had those moments of happiness. I cannot go to him, crawl to him, as if he were my lord granting me a boon. If he doesn't want this for all of us, there's no use."

  
  


"But what if he does and it would jar him into..." 

  
  


"Jar Heero? No, when he turned me away his mind was set. It has to be his decision. I can't even tell what I want now. Hopefully time will show me. Life continues."

  
  


"But it's not easy."

  
  


"I don't think I ever expected it to be."

  
  


***

  
  


Lauren was now a week into her school year. Everything seemed to be going so well. Heero stared at the paper in his hands. He had to print it out to really believe it, and now it sat like a death sentence, eerily grinning at him. The paper floated to the desk to settle as he realized his hands were shaking. He had to stand, he had to... His hands were braced on the desk, his head hanging and his eyes wide. After the first few seconds his heart had taken a few frantic beats and was now roaring in his ears. The painful pressure in his throat began to burn. If he didn't know any better he would think he might pass out, but his grip on himself was a little stronger than that.

  
  


"'One Rachel Bentley gave birth to a full term baby girl, given the name Lauren Mya Bentley. The child's father and paternal extended family are deceased. Rachel Bentley's parents now reside in..."' He paused again, not believing what he was reading. 

  
  


Lauren was not an orphan.

  
  


She had grandparents.


	10. More than words can say

Thanks to everyone who still remembers this fic :) Your reviews mean more than I can ever say... and with any luck, the road to the end will be short.

  
  


She had grandparents.  
  


It was as if Heero had believed she had sprung up from nowhere, born from the concrete of the cell they had been in. She was very nearly magical to him, the culmination of dreams he had never given credence to as a child.   
  


How could this family now want her? If they knew she had been held in that dank little cell how could they have allowed her to be there? If it had been him... He would have fought till the death to see her free of that place. They didn't deserve her, was his first vicious thought. If they had let her stay there they didn't deserve her. Lauren's mother had been their only daughter, how could it be possible that they couldn't know that she had had a child? Lauren had never mentioned to him that she had ever met any grandparents. His mind supplied him with the image of a smiling older couple with Lauren, and they were waving to him. They were waving goodbye.   
  


He could hide the information! He could erase any records, hide all the evidence. He would be committing several crimes in the process but it would be best for all.. wouldn't it? If it were not for his guilty conscience that he would live with for the rest of his life he might be able to pull it off. He couldn't be sure that keeping her from knowing her grandparents was the right thing. He didn't know that they would want her, or even care. At heart, though, he knew there was no way they couldn't care about Lauren. Lauren had received too much love from her mother, had been too well adjusted, for him to believe that this Rachel Bentley had not been loved. People did not always reflect their background, but in this case he was positive. Lauren's grandparents would love her, and because of her nature he knew Lauren could come to love them in return. In him she had found someone she had wanted to call daddy, but these people were two stable adults, a couple. Perhaps she would see them more as her family than she did him. It was ironic that he should worry. He had thrown away everything he had with Relena to save Lauren from some ambiguous risk, and now his irrational mind was wondering if Lauren would want to stay with him more if he were married. It was deeper than that! He was continually doubting those around him, his own insecurity being projected into those closest to him. He doubted Relena's loyalty, he doubted Duo's friendship, and now he doubted Lauren's love.   
  


"We are meant," he whispered, feeling more certain than he had in weeks. Suddenly confident he picked up the phone. "Please get me the vice foreign minister on the phone."  
  


"If she's busy, sir?" came the voice of his capable secretary.  
  


"It's urgent, let her know that."  
  


"All right, sir. Just a moment."  
  


Relena would know what to do, he told himself. She would not turn away his request. He was going to make it.   
  


***  
  


Telling Lauren had been a thousand times harder than it had been to tell Relena. While Relena had been appropriately shocked, determined and supportive, Lauren had outright broke down and begged him not to get in contact with the people she didn't know. She didn't need them, she told him, and they didn't need her. The feeling of Relena's hand on his had steeled him, explaining to the frightened girl why they had to do what they were doing. She had run to Relena as she had before to beg her to tell Heero differently but she had been unable to do anything but comfort Lauren and keep on hand tightly on Heero's.   
  


On the day of the meeting Relena had pulled Heero away to see what she could do to steady him, leaving Lauren with the calming Duo. After only minutes when he got to Lauren she was already near tears. The moment she saw Heero and Relena approaching she couldn't hold them back any longer. Heero went straight to her, dropping to his knees to hold her close. Relena moved to stand next to Duo who looked a bit at a loss.   
  


"They won't..." he began, then swallowed. "They can't..."  
  


"I hope not."  
  


"I should leave you guys..." But he had made no move to leave. "You know... seeing how those two found each other... it's almost enough to make one believe that there is some omnipotent figure guiding our lives. But seeing them tearing apart like this..."  
  


"It takes real faith to believe," Relena agreed.  
  


Duo smiled, the first real one he had shown since they had entered. "I have faith in the two of you. I guess that'll have to be enough. A kid could overcome this... but I'm not so sure about Heero. We're all rooting for you."  
  


"Thank you, Duo."  
  


He squeezed her arm before leaving. Heero had quieted most of Lauren's tears. He held her face in his hands, this thumbs wiping away her tears.  
  


"I don't want to go," she whimpered.  
  


Neither do I, Heero thought. "We shouldn't think badly of them. They are your grandparents."  
  


"I don't need grandparents. They didn't even know about me. Why'd you have to go and tell them?"  
  


"It was the right thing to do. Lauren, we have to be strong about this. This visit doesn't have to mean anything, it's only so you can meet each other."  
  


"What if they're mean? What if they want to adopt me instead of you?"  
  


"They they'll have to adopt me too," he said fiercely.  
  


"You're too old to be adopted," she said with a near giggle.   
  


"Not where you're concerned."  
  


"I love you, Heero."  
  


He accepted the girl into his arms willingly. There would be no world without Lauren. And so help him he would do what he had to do to make her his.  
  


The car ride was tense at best. There was cheerful music playing on the radio, but any attempt at conversation fell flat.   
  


Heero's face looked as if it had been cast in stone, and she hoped that once they arrived he would be a little less tense. She really didn't doubt it though, because he would know that his mood would weigh heavily on Lauren's.   
  


As they pulled up to the house he looked for a second to be debating whether to stop or keep driving. Once they exited the car, man and girl were not visibly tense. In fact, the only outward sign of nerves lay in the way they clutched each other's hand. Relena hung back as they approached the door, knowing she was there for reinforcement.  
  


The couple who opened the door had eyes only for Lauren. The girl's hair was neat, and her gray jumper was very cute on her. She looked all in all healthy, her weight gained back, and her cheeks pink from the winter chill. There were tears in the woman's eyes as she ushered them in. That could be either a good sign, or a bad one. 

It seemed as though they finally saw the adults with her as there was recognition from both parties.   
  


"Heero Yuy," the woman murmured. "I'm sorry, I never made the connection before. I want to thank you and Miss Darlian for coming."  
  


After a second of handshaking and polite greetings the attention was focused back to Lauren.  
  


"Hello Lauren," the lady said, getting slowly down to Lauren's level. "We're your grandparents."  
  


The girl contemplated the woman in front of her. "You have eyes like my mommy did."  
  


"So do you."  
  


The initial ice had been broken. The time now passed as Heero explained how he and Lauren had come each other, his voice strained as he told them how she had asked to stay with him. It led him to the search for Lauren's past, and he suddenly was out of words.   
  


"The lady we spoke to on the phone told us you had begun to set the ball rolling towards adoption."  
  


He nodded, unable to think of anything appropriate to say.  
  


"She also indicated you had information on our daughter."  
  


"Yes." Heero gathered himself. Lauren knew it all already, so there was no concern other that telling it tactfully. "The records I found indicated she had left home about eight and a half years ago... is that correct?" At their agreement he continued. "She traveled with her then boyfriend to a military base about 60 miles away from here where he found employment under an assumed name. She gave birth to a full term baby girl about five months later, the child of her and her then husband."  
  


This was apparently a new concept to them.   
  


"Why didn't she tell us?" Lauren's grandmother asked tearfully. "We wouldn't have turned her away if we had known." Her head bowed briefly. "I'm sorry... please continue."  
  


"The husband was killed in the line of duty during the wars and your daughter and Lauren were cared for by his comrades. Leadership changed, and they were about to be shoved out into the streets except that your daughter was killed in an automobile accident. Lauren was to be kept safe instead of sent to wander by herself. That's where I found her."  
  


The couple across from them was very quiet, sitting still as they squeezed each others hands. Lauren looked back from them to Heero and Relena. They both sat still as well, their heads slightly bowed in deference of the older couple's resigned grief.   
  


"We always hoped she was happy," Lauren's grandfather said finally. "At least now we know."  
  


"We got some pictures out of your mother for you... we thought you might like to have them. You look just like her," the green eyes of the grieving mother smiled sadly. "She would have wanted you to have them."   
  


"It's Christmas," Lauren exclaimed over one of the pictures that held a smiling dark haired girl in front of a Christmas tree.   
  


"Christmas was her favorite."  
  


"She wanted it to last forever," Lauren said somewhat brokenly. "It never did."  
  


Some sort of understanding passed between the woman and girl. Lauren had grieved for her mother, but she had Heero to chase away the sad thoughts now. This lady was here with her husband and they were all alone with no one to make them feel better.   
  


"She told me about you," Lauren said, making a revelation that she hadn't even told Heero. "That you tried to make Christmas last all year. She said you loved me very much and that we might go to see you some day. We never did."  
  


Lauren suddenly stopped, her fingers clutching the pictures as her face closed up from how open it had been before. These people had known her mother, but they could be trying to take her away from Heero. They looked sad, but it wasn't her purpose in life to make them happier. Her heart was torn, though, because it was not in her nature to close herself off from people. But she had been alone for all those months by herself, surviving and feeling she had to fend for herself. She trusted Heero, but now it was up to her to hold herself apart.  
  


"Can I go to the bathroom?" Lauren asked finally. Directions were given and Heero was imploringly taken along as if the house would snatch her if she was alone.  
  


Relena had been somewhat silent up till now, and suddenly she was faced with two people whom she was unsure she was supposed to like or distrust. She felt for them on one hand for their loss, and certainly she could understand a need on their part to know their granddaughter, but she could not go past that understanding.   
  


"He loves her very much," Lauren's grandmother acknowledged.  
  


"They've become so close in the time that they've been together," Relena agreed.  
  


"We have heard a lot of stories about the gundam pilots. We followed their plight very closely during the wars. We hold that man a hero. He has such a fitting name. And you as well. We've never seen him look like he has today, though."  
  


"No, you wouldn't have. He's held himself back for a lot of years. Lauren has been instrumental in allowing him to open up. She's a very special little girl. She is to both of us."  
  


"I know that the two of you have been connected in the media many times, but I hope you won't mind me inquiring about the nature of your relationship?"  
  


"Close friend," Relena said with a smile. "I love them both, and I only want what's best for everyone."  
  


"I can see that. You've always seemed very compassionate, and that's really what the world has needed. It hurts me... more than I can say, to see the fear and distrust in her eyes when she looks at us."  
  


"I can't... I'm sorry, I really don't know what to tell you."  
  


"She has come to see him as her father, hasn't she? She clings to him."  
  


"If he had ever thought that it would come to something like this he might have held back. But yes, he... I don't know that he could love her more than if she was his own. In his heart she is."  
  


"We're sorry that it came to this as well," the older woman acknowledged. "She looks so much like our daughter, it's as if she had come back to us. We want to give her everything."  
  


Relena's heart froze at these words, and the room fell silent as Heero and Lauren appeared.   
  


"We needed to get back... I'm sorry," Heero began.  
  


"It's no trouble. I'm so very glad that you came today. We do have one thing that we'd like to say though before you leave."  
  


Lauren's hand was firmly entrenched in Heero's and holding so tight she thought her fingers would break from the effort.  
  


"We've lived a long time here, and we've grieved for our daughter for a long time. We will be able to let some of that go now, and there's no doubt that we want to be a part of Lauren's life."  
  


Heero's stomach clenched, and doubled more so as he saw Relena, serenity itself, clasping her hands.  
  


"She seems to have found a family of her own, and the last thing we want to do is break up the security she's found for herself. Heero, we'll do whatever we can to support your adoption. She deserves a family who is young enough to give her what she needs as a child, and you both belong together. We just ask... Lauren, maybe sometime, a weekend here or there, you might come to visit us? We'd like the chance to get to know you as we might have."   
  


Lauren grasped the concept quicker than Heero, and she let go of his hand to move to her grandparents, Grandma and Grandpa as she could now think of them as, and offered herself to be hugged.   
  


"We can share more stories," she promised them. "Heero will always be my daddy, but I'm glad I can have a grandma and grandpa too."   
  


The older couple had hugs for both Heero and Relena as well, asking them back to visit again as the trio left in a state of mind somewhere between relief and not fully understanding. Heero drove in silence for almost 10 minutes, his passengers reflecting his mood. Suddenly to their shock he pulled over next to a field and hastily shoved the car in park and exited the car. He opened Lauren's door and pulled her clear of her seatbelt, staring at her for one long moment before hugging her tightly to him and beginning to spin around. They had done this once before, she and Heero, but it had never been quite like this. Lauren's laughter rang out as she realized she finally had what she had been longing for. She had a home, and a father who wasn't going to let her go. She had a father who was laughing with her, the first time he had laughed without holding back.   
  


Behind them stood Relena, holding her hair back from her face as the wind blew, and smiling as it dried her tears. The two unsteadily made their way back to her, and Lauren clasped Relena's waist as tightly as possible, as Heero sandwiched her between them. It was over, they were done. Heero and Lauren were finally free to be together. They were going home. Relena couldn't have been happier... except that she knew she wouldn't be returning with them.  
  


***


	11. Dear Diary

It was finally the weekend. Lauren was safely and happily tucked away with Duo and Hilde, and today was going to be his day to set things right with Relena. He was going to get her coffee and they were going to talk. He had already set the machine to brew, and was bustling around with the cups and straightening up as she settled herself in. It was altogether too familiar to her... Heero in the kitchen, herself settling in. The only thing that was missing was Lauren's laughter drifting throughout the house. Her presence or lack thereof, was felt acutely. It had been her presence that had held them back before. The fact that they never would have come together at all if not for Lauren's presence was more menial.

At the sound of her name she turned, feeling her hair settle over her shoulders, her earrings swinging gently against her cheeks. The look on Heero's face as he looked at her was different, and yet familiar.

"Perhaps we should be friends," she suggested gently. "And if barring that, perhaps some more space."

"You deserve more."

"I know." she murmured.

"It's so difficult."

"I can't be any man's toy."

"I don't want a toy, I want a wife!" he exclaimed.

"I know."

She was going to leave it like that? Not even a curious inquiry as to who the wife he wanted was. He reached a hand to touch her chin, and was shocked as she turned her face away from his fingers. She wanted to be friends, the words of death. She was turning away from him. 'How do you like being the one that's walked away from?' a voice inside him mocked.

Relena sat in his living room as he paced. She had already called for a car to pick her up, knowing Heero wouldn't be pleased with her decision. She fingered the locked in her hands, tracing the outlines of the heart. Her eyes were already so tightly shut that it was almost painful, attempting to keep the tears at bay. The need to cry would stop, she promised herself. If she had been another person she might have stayed, taking whatever she could from Heero, waiting for him to make her whole. Was that how it was to be with Heero? He was to be her first of everything, and yet she was not allowed to have him. If running now was an act of cowardice, she could accept that.

When he entered the room she stood. It was as if he could see on her face that something important was going to happen.

"I think..." she began, and then gulped some air, taking his hand and letting it rest facing up in hers. She stared at his palm, wide and line and nearly lost her nerve. Her eyes moved to meet his instead, demanding that he look at her face and not at their hands. "I think perhaps you should keep this... and give it to someone who's forever."

She closed his fist and turned and walked... ran... for the door. She exited the building blindly, never so glad that she didn't have to drive herself home. If that had been the case she surely would have crashed and done terrible damage to herself and the car. Today was the end, it was the end for certain. She had given him back his locket, and he had said not one word as she walked away. Not one. He wanted a wife and mother for his child, and she simply wasn't what he wanted. It was ironically right for it to happen that way. For a short time he had made her feel as if she were it, the one he wanted, but he had found out somehow that she was not.

She had in every essence handed her heart back to him. It had been perhaps the most intimate gift he could have given her. And yet, as he thought, staring down at the locket, had he been giving her the world for her heart... or the world with his?

* * *

"So you and Relena really..." Duo stared up surreptitiously from his pile of paperwork.

"Just don't talk to me, all right? You have nothing helpful to say, and I know damn well what happened already," Heero snapped.

"Now I really know you're not human."

Heero scowled. "It shouldn't have happened. I seem destined to hurt her as much as possible."

"Who's going to pick up the pieces when she breaks?"

"It won't happen."

Duo sighed, somewhat longsuffering.

"What are you going to do to stop it?"

"I can't..."

"You have run so far, Heero," Duo pointed out with a trace of anger, only to lean back against the door jamb. "You have everything right there... why do you insist on screwing it up?"

It was the finest show of control he had ever been graced with he did not physically attack Duo. The fact that his teeth bared had little to do with smiling, and everything to do with intimidation. If Duo hadn't look so stupidly smug and righteous... he might not have let the immediate anger go and deflated. How could he argue with that? In his own twisted logic what Duo said was true. If he couldn't accept Relena in a relationship... It was demeaning to them both. Yet Relena had been so understanding, as they made to trip over, as if that didn't even bother her. How much had it cost her to act so?

"Makes you think, doesn't it?" Duo commented quietly. "Just how people act when they're not considering."

* * *

Heero stared from under his eyelashes at the woman in front of him. It seemed that time had again eased the awkwardness that he had brought to them. He acknowledged it to be all his fault. It was rather like walking through hip deep snow for a while, the house seeming to have lost some of the luster that she had brought to them. Duo's stinging words rang in his head, but every time her turned around he was only met with confusion.

"I like the proposal," she said, looking up from the paper in her hands and smiling at him. "I'm really glad you let me have a look at it."

"I value your opinion."

He acted like a fond friend to her, or worse, a kind of distant brother. She felt no small measure of pride for him, it was after all his day to present security measures and programs before a board of ESUN's top officials. He was wearing a dark suit for the occasion, and to her practiced eye he looked slightly nervous. Not many people would pick it up, but the subtle way he angled his head, and the way his hands rested, they were just little things. She was glad that she could help him to steady himself before he went.

He rose to see her out, but stopped her before she could reach the door.

"Do I get a good luck hug before you go?"

It would be a mistake, her mind told her even as she opened her arms. He snugged her up against him immediately, his arms curving into the small of her back, leaving her no course but to place her arms around his neck, and cling to him. Had any hug that had passed between them ever been so forceful? Had she ever been pressed to his chest so firmly, brushed knees with him... quite like this?

And just as she had predicted, a hug it was not to remain. His lips met hers short of roughly, pressing her back in the cradle of his arms. It wasn't as if she were not kissing him back, that was not the issue, but it was bringing back memories and longings, ones she had tried to suppress. She backed away from him, her face flirting between a frown and a neutral expression.

"Look," she sighed. "I think we both just demonstrated why this won't work."

"Can you fault me for wanting you?"

She shook her head. "Fault you? Haven't we been through this? I can't be a companion for Lauren and whatever it is you want me for, and then have you send me along on my merry way when you've found "the one!""

"I wouldn't be looking if we were in a relationship."

"But a relationship going where? We're a little past the hand holding and necking in the theater, don't you think?" He didn't answer, and that was answer enough for her. "Since this isn't working out," she implied again, "Perhaps it would be best to take a month apart, except on a professional level."

His jaw clenched. Everything was spinning out of control. Every time he tried he screwed up. He just couldn't...

"So you want to run away? Leave all your problems behind. Is that what you would do if you were married? One argument and off you go for a month?"

"What are you playing at?" she demanded. "We are not married and Lauren is not my child. We are not bound by any vow."

"Obviously," he muttered.

"I can't see why you're saying these things." She had angled herself away from him as if just that distance would make his words miss their mark. "No, I would not leave my family. I thought you knew me better than that."

"Me too. What about Lauren in your little month?"

"I don't know. But you shouldn't be so antagonistic. Between you and me we've left little choice. I have to make a choice now not to hurt any more."

"Being away from me is going to make you hurt less?" It was so totally beyond his realm of thinking.

"No, but lack of contact might. It becomes harder to wish for what you're not experiencing."

"You believe that?"

"No," she answered quite matter-of-factly. But I hoped you might. Maybe your want will be less then."

"Like it's a hill of sand to be washed away? How many years have we been working up to this?"

"Too long," she said dumbly.

"Too long to fade in a month. I can face that you don't want me around, but please don't deny Lauren. She's already lost so much."

"But what if she starts to think of me as something more?" she asked, throwing his reasoning back in his face. "Little girls are prone to ideas."

"Then we'll deal with it." This was getting ridiculous. She was tossing every reason he'd ever though back in his face, and he was suddenly the one having to fend them off. "She probably won't get any big ideas if we're not together."

"Which is why your logic of us being together was ludicrous."

He scowled. "It's not like we'd be in front of her."

"Right, of course not."

He stopped her by taking her chin in his hand. When he leaned into her she gasped, eyes closing, and certainly not moving away.

"You want this as much as I do. You know it."

"I can't play second fiddle when you find..."

"There's never going to be anyone else! Ever!"

He released her chin and stormed out leaving her alone, eyes wide.

* * *

The final argument had seemed to set things between them in stone. Her terms of separation had been upheld, and the only time he saw her outside of work was to drop off or pick up Lauren at her house. Relena would wave at him in greeting or farewell, but they had not once spoken outside of business. Lauren, for her part, did not seem to be imparting any displeasure of this to Heero. She always came home full of her adventures with Relena, occasionally returning with a book, or her hair done in a special way. He always managed to subtly perceive how Relena was doing, and the answer was generally always well. Lauren was happy, but Heero was secretly miserable. It was no consolation to him that she seemed to be getting on so well, and yet he of all people should know how adept she was at hiding what was inside. He scowled at his desk. He had work to do, and yet all he could do was sit and wonder.

If his thoughts could not get more muddled he found himself looking up from his papers as Relena entered after a quiet knock. She had the urge to go to his side and take of those glasses and kiss him senseless, but since they had pulled away she felt any advances such as that would not be welcome, and certainly in strict violation of the boundaries that she had set.

"Heero, could I have a moment?" she asked, face open.

"Sure."

"It's about Lauren. We were talking yesterday, and she suddenly asked if I could be her mommy. Heero..."

She stopped as the man in front of her stood up, stared, and started to pace.

"I'm sorry she asked you that. It's never easy with her being put on the spot."

Relena's head bowed. "I didn't give her an answer. I needed to talk with you."

"I want her to have a permanent mother," he said resolutely. "I want to give her a team effort. I couldn't stand to give her anything less."

"I understand that."

"She loves you, that much is certain. And I'm sad to see her be disappointed."

It cut her deeply to see Lauren denied as well. "Why is she being disappointed, Heero?"

"Because she wants a mother so badly, and I can't give her one."

Relena froze. It wasn't as if she could come out and volunteer. Yes, she would say, yes I'll be Lauren's mother. If he had made up his mind that she was an unsuitable candidate, what could she do?

"I wish..." there was regret in her tone. "I wish I could be there for her more."

"I know you do. I appreciate that. But you have to think of your career."

"What?" Her mind spun, a loose meteor in the wake of a planet. "What are you talking about? When this suddenly become about my career?"

"It's all it's ever been about." Liar, his mind accused. It was perhaps only a half truth. "You've been wonderful giving up time to be with her, but we both know that won't be forever."

"Oh my..." she sat suddenly. "That is why you pulled away! That's what all this has been about? You think I'm going to disappear one day and hurt her. Hurt you."

"The people..."

"The people would do just as well with someone else signing their paperwork. Besides peace all I have ever dreamed about is having a family, Heero. And you have signed me off to a life of solitude. When can this be less about my career and more about what I need and want? Tomorrow? Next week? At my funeral?"

He scowled. "Don't be stupid. It's just not logical. You'd be throwing away all you'd worked for, the position you'd attained, to marry a man who is so far below you that he can hardly see where you are standing. And taking on the responsibility of a half grown child who wasn't your own..."

"Half grown or not, she still needs love. Career and family don't need to be mutually exclusive! And certainly the very first thing we'd accomplish in our marriage would be to correct your opinion of yourself."

Her stomach did a loop-the-loop as she realized they were quite clinically discussing marriage.

"What does Relena need?" His eyes were hard, but his voice was soft.

"I need a man who could stand beside me, and support me, while I could support him. I need... children, who I could nurture and love. I need..." you, her mind finished. She reached to touch his face and gasped as he roughly grabbed her arm and drew her closer.

"You do not need me for that role. There are any number of men who would be willing to step up to the plate for you."

She tried jerking from his grip but failed. She glared.

"If you're such an expert now at what you think I need, what do you need?"

"I need... a woman who is strong. A woman who would be content to be at home, to go on trips, to wake up beside me." his voice grew lower. "I would need a woman who could fight with me and Lauren and there'd never be a doubt that love was there. I need a woman who would stay for always, and never dream of putting Lauren through a separation or divorce. Someone who accepted us, and loved us anyway."

The tears finally spilled. "And so..." she choked. "You think I can't be that for you."

"I can't ask it of you," he growled, shaking her, causing her to lean into him to keep her balance.

"I need..." I need you to.

Her lips closed over his in an act of sweet surrender. The burning he felt so close to her, it seemed to heat down to his very soul. She made a desperate sound in her throat, her hand still resting on his chest. He wanted to tear himself away from her, try to ease this terrible pressure in his chest and be able to breathe again. He couldn't remember wanting to run away from something so strongly in his life. And yet that same heat urged him to take her, press her up against this very wall, kiss that tempting mouth until all reason was gone, to have her, to master her, and at the same time master the fear she inspired.

He had tried to be rough with her, to show them both that he was in control, and had ended merely showing himself that he wasn't in control at all. He was still not in control, he never would be. He pressed back against her lightly, feeling her lips part against his, her breath warming and cooling the moisture she had left behind. The heat threatened to overtake him, and as he shifted into her, she pulled away. He stared in some form of confusion and disbelief as she stared over his shoulder, unable to look at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to pressure you."

The sound he made was a cross between a scoff and a snarl. "For being a smart woman, you can be dense."

Using the grip of his hands he lifted her, turning her and giving in to his earlier thought, pressing her into the wall with his weight. This time it was not merely a heated mating of lips, instead he attacked with single minded ferocity that left her gasping. Her fingers wound themselves into his hair, assuring herself he wasn't going to try and pull away any time soon. His body pressed firmly to hers as the heat between them soared. The warm licking flame of before had flown higher, so blue it was blinding them both, so hot it was burning to the touch, so illuminating that all the secrets that had been hidden within before were laid bare. Need. Desire. Constancy. Love.

"Don't you see?" he begged. "Don't you understand?"

"No," she said desperately. "Help me to see."

"I need you." His eyes locked on hers. "I want you. You're all I ever wanted. You went from being what I wanted, to what I needed, and then shifting again until you were what two of us needed. How could I..." he stroked her cheek. "How could I let you go, how could I make you stay? What did we have to give that anyone else didn't? What did we do to deserve you, have to deserve you?"

"You had my love, Heero. That's all I've ever had to give you. And I want to so badly that..." her heart tore as she sobbed once, deeply, before taking control again. She had pushed him away, when all she wanted was to hold him closer. "To think that you thought I wasn't enough..."

"You can do anything you set your mind on. I thought we'd be holding you back."

She shook her head. "You'd be giving me the chance to be the very thing I long to be. I can't do that with anyone else, not ever. I can't be a wife to anyone but you, or a mother to anyone but Lauren and our children. You'd be setting me so far ahead, never back."

"You want my children?" he asked a bit bewildered.

"Until I'm screaming at you in labor pains, maybe. Of course! I want everything. A brother or sister for Lauren."

"Or both," he amended.

She laughed softly, brushing the back of her hand across her cheek. "Or both."

"Will you," he took her face in his hands. They looked right there, large against her fragile skin, but at the moment he was proud of their strength. It meant he could protect her. "Will you be with me? Will you marry me, be my wife, be a mother to Lauren, have our babies? Will you make us whole?"

When she thought that he would never ask, it was anything but an overstatement.

"Yes."

* * *

June 5, AC 210

This is my final entry, diary, the final space left in my extra special journal. It's lasted me all this time, and I've saved this page for today: my high school graduation. I don't know how much I can thank Uncle Trowa for giving me this journal, but him reminding me it's always best to live with our feelings and remember them certainly have become a motto for me.

Who would have guessed this day would come already? I don't really remember a lot about when I was small, but certainly once I came to live with Dad I remember everything was better. Sometimes when he holds me like he used to when I was little it just makes me want to cry. But it's always happy, too. Mom did my hair for today, and she cried when she put the cap on my head. I don't know what I would have done without them, Diary, I really don't. Even my little squirt of a brother gave me a card. How is it possible to love the little freckle faced imp that much? He's grown so much... I just want to hug him all day long, he's just that cute. I can't believe he's almost 10. And how he is with the baby is just precious. When I told Mom and Dad I wanted a baby sister I didn't know I'd be waiting quite this long. But she gives the two tooth smile and I know it's all been worth waiting for. I get to live at home and go to college, cause Dad would die of worry if I went away right off. I don't think he'll ever be ready to let me go, but I know right now that I'm not ready to let him go yet either. I don't want to miss days without them, or not many. They're mine. And because Daddy promised, I know they always will be.

Thanks for being there, Diary.

All my love,

Lauren

* * *

This is the end of the line for this fic, and though it's been so long since I wrote it, I still remember it fondly. I was unable to go through and edit it as I would have wished, and I have the sincerest apologies that it remains so long since I posted. My adoration for Gundam Wing has not faded, but my writing for it, it seems, is at least on hiatus. This fic was written nearly two years ago, edited from its original higher rating for but I hope it stands well on its own. And as Lauren moved on to a new stage in her life, I'll bid this fic goodbye, with all possible thanks to those who encouraged me. Thanks to all of you, and I hope it brought you enjoyment. 


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